Any self-respecting modern drunk needs a place for a morning drink. But where to go? First you have to find a hooch purveyor with a 6 a.m. liquor license. Easy enough, there are plenty of those to choose from. Then you have to decide whether to settle for a brown-bagged bottle passed through a Plexiglas turnstile. If so, you have to worry about the local constable slapping you with an open-container citation—unless, of course, you can suck it down and toss the dead soldier down an alley, unnoticed, before the end of the morning shift change. A much better option, if your pockets haven’t yet become a black hole of disappearing change and your state of mind isn’t irrevocably oversotted, is to get yourself buzzed in and take a seat at a bar.
Take that option at the Magnet Bar, and any of your remaining metal money will surely attach itself to the barkeep’s grubby palms. The thing about this Magnet, though, is that it also attracts paper. Fortunately, it’s cheap, so your currency should carry you at least through noon—unless, on top of being a drunk, you’re a degenerate gambler. In which case your green’s bound for one of the two poker machines. There’s nothing like buying a 40-ounce (the accompanying plastic cup is gratis) and settling in for an amusing electronic game of chance. The pinball table and bowling game are also fine with a 40, and they stretch the green. Better yet, skip the odds and the child’s play and just stick to what you do best: turning your liver into past-date scrapple. You’ll find yourself in good company at the Magnet Bar.