It's inevitable. Sure, your pals act understanding about you being a vegetarian and all. But then the time comes to decide where to go to dinner, and suddenly everyone wants to go to Ruth's Chris or some other dead-animal-graveyard of a restaurant. When you very gently remind them that you don't eat steak/burgers/fried chicken/fill in the carnivorous blank, the unvarying response is, "Oh, you can order a baked potato." Listen, pal: Fuck the baked potato, OK? Just because some of us are vegetarians doesn't mean we want to eat substandard, boring food. Just leave the driving to us, and we'll point the tires straight toward the Helmand. Your friends will be happy because all the food there is just plain outrageously good, and you'll be happy because half of it is meat-free. Many dishes come either way--flesh-based or vegetarian--and are great either way. So you say tomato, we say tomahto, you order the lamb lawand and we'll order the mushroom lawand. You order aushak, leek-filled ravioli with a meat sauce; we ask for aushak with the meatless sauce, and Carnivores and vegetarians can sign a peace accord over the heavenly kaddo borawni (baby pumpkin with yogurt).

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