Sign up for our newsletters   

Baltimore City Paper home.
Print Email

Think Mink

Tongue Twister

By Mink Stole | Posted 6/8/2005

My parents are furious because I had my tongue pierced. Iím 19 years old and still living at home while I go to college. Theyíre especially pissed-off because when I had my navel done a few months ago without telling them they flipped out and made a rule that as long as I lived at home and they were paying my way I couldnít get any more tattoos or piercings. They even made me take out my navel ring and let the hole grow back. They let me get my ears pierced when I was 14, so I donít understand why this is making them so nuts. A lot of my friends have multiple piercings, and I had it done by a professional so it was all safe. Why are they acting like this? Theyíve even threatened to stop paying for my college and to make me move out if I donít remove the piercing. What can I do to make them understand that this isnít the end of the world and that Iím old enough to do what I want with my own body?

Tongue Twister

I donít know why your parents are so determined to block your attempts at oral decoration, TT. Maybe theyíre concerned for your oral/dental health and safety. Maybe they find watching you talk and eat with a big chunk of metal in your mouth less than aesthetically pleasing. Or maybe theyíre just big mean control freaks who get a kick out of making you miserable. I donít know. But since you knew damn well that there was no way they were going to let a hole in your tongue go unnoticed, it doesnít make much difference. Whether you were testing to see if they were paying attention, or just doing your late-teen-years job of stretching your boundaries by pushing their buttons, you got exactly the reaction you expected. Which means your parents are consistent, so unless you get a big kick out of making them nuts, you might as accept that they mean what they say.

You could try presenting your parents with medical documentation about the safety of tongue piercing, but I looked and there isnít much out there. You could try negotiating, offering to do something they want in exchange for keeping your piercing. Or you could realize theyíre not going to change their minds and decide whatís more important: the right to put a hole in your tongue or their support until you finish school and can get a job that pays well enough that you can afford your own rent and all the body piercings you want. Your call.

 

Iím a 28-year-old guy with a huge weight problem, and I mean huge. Iím a big guy, well over six feet tall, and I can go from looking like a pro football linebacker to a Japanese sumo wrestler, with my lowest weight being about 250 pounds and my highest about 450. About two and a half years ago, when I was at my trimmest after being on an incredibly strict diet for several months, I met a woman and we fell in love and got married. She made me feel like a king. I told her I did daily battle with my weight, but when after a few months I started putting the pounds back on, her attitude totally changed. I tried improving my eating habits and getting more exercise, but it wasnít enough for her. Now she nags me every time I eat anything, and I think the only thing that will make her happy would be for me to live on air and water until I look like I did when she met me. We used to be able to talk about anything, but now all we talk about is how my big body is ruining our lives. I still love her, but I canít take this much longer and Iím thinking seriously about divorce.

Fat Boy Fat

Divorce would seem a pretty drastic way to avoid having to lose weight, FBF, but it really does depend on why your wife is being such a harpy. If sheís truly so shallow that all she cares about is what you look like and is treating your weight gain as a violation of the marriage contract, dumping her might be a good idea. But if sheís on your case because she loves you and wants to keep you from dropping dead of a heart attack before you reach 35, that is a whole other ball oí wax.

Before you go rushing off to see an attorney, who could cost you big bucks and your marriage, why not see a medical specialist who, while possibly also costing a big bag of money, might be able to improve both your marriage and your life? A good weight specialist can help determine whether you have a treatable medical condition or put you on a livable diet. You might even want to explore more drastic measures. I have a couple of friends whoíve slimmed down to near unrecognizability with surgical procedures. Bring your wife along. Maybe if she can understand exactly what youíre going through, she can stop nagging and start supporting. Whether you really care about her or just about your own well-being, itís worth a try.

Related stories

Think Mink archives

More from Mink Stole

Pick and Choose (4/12/2006)
First of all, homosexuality isnít like snake handling or Catholicism; it isnít a cult or a religion you can be recruited for or converted to.

Territorial Rites (4/5/2006)

Family Guy (3/15/2006)

Comments powered by Disqus
Calendar
CP on Facebook
CP on Twitter