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The Bitch Is Back

By Mink Stole | Posted 6/15/2005

I’m 24, and for two years I was in a terrific relationship with the woman I thought I would ultimately marry. We were so good together, we always got along, had a million things in common, never fought, had great sex—as far as I was concerned, she was it. Then she dumped me. For a rich med student. He was moving out of state to finish his schooling, and she went with him. I was stunned, but I lied and told her I wished her well and hoped she’d be happy. I thought my heart was permanently broken, but in only a few weeks I was feeling pretty good, starting to date again, and actually having a great time being single. Then a couple of weeks ago my old girlfriend called. She said she’s miserable with the med student. She says she was blinded by his money, but he’s possessive and demanding, and she knows now she made the biggest mistake of her life and wants to come back to be with me. I still have strong feelings for her, but I’m not sure we can put things back like they were.

Humpty Dumpty

I’m a huge believer in second chances, HD, but if you take this gal back you’re cracked. She didn’t leave because she honestly fell in love with someone else; she didn’t leave because you had a fight and said horrible things to her; she didn’t even leave because she had a dream she felt she could only follow on her own. The only thing she was dreaming about was life on easy street. She left you for money; she thought she was trading up. You thought you were looking at your future; she was looking for the main chance. And just because this one turned out to be not such a great deal doesn’t mean she wouldn’t jump at the next guy who waggled a fat wallet in her face.

Think about how little time it took you to start enjoying life again. If yours had really been such a great love, you wouldn’t have snapped back so fast. Something was telling you that, good times and great sex notwithstanding, you were better off without her. So all the king’s horses and all the king’s men say don’t let this bitch back in your life again.


A few nights ago I went out with some friends from college and I really clicked with this one gal who was part of the group. We had fun and laughed the whole evening. She wasn’t acting overtly sexy, but she did touch me a lot, like on my forearm and shoulders. A couple of days later I got her phone number, and when I called she sounded really glad to hear from me, and we talked for about a half-hour and made arrangements to get together with the same group two nights later. The evening wasn’t as exciting as the night we met, but we still had a good time, and this time she touched me at least as much as the first time. Then she kind of made a point of offering to lend me some books she knew I’d be able to use for a paper I’m writing. I walked her back to her dorm, and, although I didn’t try to kiss her, she did remind me to call her about the books. I can’t tell if she’s just being friendly or if she’s interested in me in a more “personal” way. I really like her, but I don’t want to make a move on her if she’s not into me that way.

Slightly Shy Sam

Here’s a clue for you, SSS: When a gal gets all touchy-feely with a guy, it’s generally because she’s attracted to him; we tend to avoid physical contact with people we find repellent. Here’s another clue: She was happy enough to hear from you that, although you didn’t have the guts to ask her out on a real just-the-two-of-you date, she went anyway. She even touched you again. And here’s your third and final clue, college boy: although she may not have felt a kiss was appropriate after what amounted to a well-chaperoned evening, she gave you a reason to call her, a reason to see her again, and, if you were to borrow the books, a reason to see her at least one more time after that when you returned them. Short of asking you home to meet her folks, it would be hard to make her interest in you any plainer.

You won’t know for sure, though, until you get up the nerve to ask her out. If you have to use the books as an excuse for calling, OK, but it would be bigger, better, and braver if you just invited her out for dinner. If once outside the protection of the herd she’s still touching your arms, while you may not interpret this as blanket permission to jump her bones, you could reasonably expect her not to reject a kiss at the end of the evening. If she touches you more intimately, how to proceed is up to you.

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More from Mink Stole

Pick and Choose (4/12/2006)
First of all, homosexuality isn’t like snake handling or Catholicism; it isn’t a cult or a religion you can be recruited for or converted to.

Territorial Rites (4/5/2006)

Family Guy (3/15/2006)

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