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Fruit Cake

By Mink Stole | Posted 7/13/2005

Iím 29 and have been married to Paul for seven years. We have two terrific kids. I love my husband very much, but Iím also intensely attracted to another man Iíve met at work. This man is so different from Paul. Heís clever and funny and smart; he travels to exotic places and is always up for new experiences. Last weekend he went hang gliding and the weekend before that he was rock climbing. Not only does he do glamorous and exciting things, but he can make even the dullest thingsólike grocery shoppingósound like great adventures. My husband is also smart, and heís a wonderful guy, but heís so focused on his daily responsibilities that heís forgotten how to be spontaneous. Heíd rather stay home and pay the bills or mow the lawn. I canít even get him to go away for a vacation. This other man has a way of looking straight into my eyes that makes my whole body feel like Iím dissolving into a big sexy puddle. Heís invited me to have drinks with him after work, so I know heís interested in me even though he knows Iím married. Iím so tempted, but Iím so scared. Is it just because heís ďforbidden fruitĒ that I want him so much?

Eve With the Apple

Of course youíre drooling over this guy, EWTA. Of course youíd rather be losing yourself in the lusty embrace of Mr. Gorgeous Adventure Man than stuck in your same old kitchen making the same dumb peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the kids every day and doing load after load of the same old dirty laundry every week while your husband does his same old chores. This new guy is a perfect escapist fantasy, better than a romance novel. But while fantasies are great, healthy, and usually harmless, trying to turn them into reality is often disastrous. A guy who is always looking for the next thrill, the next challenge, is rarely looking to get more than casually involved with a married mom. Heís much more likely to see you as just another conquest; as soon as heís made it youíll be added to his list and heíll be ready for whatever comes next. He may even view your married status as his safety net; youíre less likely to try to tie him down.

You know the risks of having an affair and you know what happened to Eve. If youíre willing to lose your flawed little piece of Paradise for the sake of a bite of this guyís apple, go for it. But picking up a stack of Sandra Brown novels might be a better idea; theyíre such maddeningly unrealistic and repetitive sex-drenched trash that they make all but the most determinedly deluded romantic fantasists happy to have their real lives to return to.

 

My fiancť, Leo, and I have been together since he was 15 and I was 14, and now heís 19 and Iím 18. We both still live with our parents, but weíve been talking about getting married next year when he finishes junior college, and Iím really excited about it. I love him a lot, but my parents donít like him and have been trying to get me to break up with him since we met. So now he wonít come to see me or even pick me up to go out more than once or twice a week because he says heís uncomfortable around them. He spends much more time with his friends watching sports or playing car mechanic than he does with me. Sometimes I get mad and then for a while things are better, but soon heís back to his old ways. Things will be great once weíre married and start our own family, but how can I get him to pay more attention to me now?

Lonely for My Leo

Madame Minkskya has gazed into her crystal ball, LFML, and seen your future. At 23, with one baby in training pants, another in diapers, and another on the way, youíve quit your job to stay home with them. Leoís working at the local lube shop. Today was payday, and youíve just had another fight because after work he stopped off at the bar with his buddies for some beers. He said he works hard and deserves a night out once in a while. You said youíve got a 24-hour-a-day job and theyíre his kids too and nobody gives you a night off. Then you started crying, and he stomped out because heís sick of listening to you complain, and besides that the house is a mess and youíre home all day so itís your job to keep it clean. Then you called your mother, and all she had to say was she told you so.

Maybe this wonít happen to you, but it can and does happen all the time to young women who canít wait to trade the youthful freedom they have for the happy-ever-after they expect. Marriage isnít just sex and living away from your parents; itís work and itís hard and itís no cure for an inattentive boyfriend. Let Leo hang with his friends if he wants, while you find other things to do besides waiting around for him to give you a life. Hang with your friends, take some college courses, have some fun. Not just because maybe if youíre less available Leo will be more so, but because now is when you can. Otherwise, it might be 25 years or so before you get another chance.

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Pick and Choose (4/12/2006)
First of all, homosexuality isnít like snake handling or Catholicism; it isnít a cult or a religion you can be recruited for or converted to.

Territorial Rites (4/5/2006)

Family Guy (3/15/2006)

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