Willing Heart Empty Wallet
Can anyone here say Oedipus? This is not the mate of your dreams. In fact, when you wake up from this little fantasy, WHEW, youíll be slapping your forehead wondering what the hell you were thinking about with this kid. I call him a kid because heís acting like one, and guess what your role is? Itís not just the age difference; there are plenty of 25-year-old guys who are emotionally and financially capable of having adult relationships. The problem is his lack of ambition and willingness to let you pick up the slack. Heís got a nice cushy life with you; with only a part-time job, he has a roof over his head, food on the table, and a willing woman in his bed. Your problem isnít that you might lose him; itís how hard itís going to be to get rid of him.
Give him a month. If heís really interested in building a future with you, thereís plenty of time for him to get a decent job. Tell him the only way you can share your life with him is if he can share the costs of it with you. Thatís not nagging; thatís letting him know itís time to grow up or get out. Tell him you care about him, but that if you had wanted to adopt an adorable stray, youíd have gone to the pound for a puppy.
Iím a 20-year-old guy. All through my teens I was fat, so I never had a girlfriend. Itís only been since I took off a hundred pounds that women have even started to notice me. I went on my first real date a couple of weeks ago with a woman I met online. I told her I hadnít dated much (I couldnít admit she was my first ever) and that I was a little shy, but she was very sweet and we had a really good time. Iíve seen her twice since then and really like her. It still makes me nervous to ask her out face-to-face, so Iíve always done it by e-mail, which worked because she always said yes. But after our last date, when I e-mailed her to tell her what a good time I had and asked her out for this Friday, she told me she was feeling kind of cranky and didnít think she could see me over the weekend. She said she wasnít blowing me off; she just wasnít good company right now. Do you think she was telling the truth? Is this just a polite way of letting me know she isnít interested? I have no experience with dating lingo, so I donít know if sheís rejecting me or not. I havenít heard from her for three days and Iím afraid to e-mail her again because I donít want her to think Iím pressuring her or that Iím too needy. What should I do?
Fat No More
A high fuckiní five to you, FNM. As someone with firsthand knowledge of what it takes to drop even a few pounds, I hope youíre giving yourself the credit you deserve. What you did took determination, persistence, and courage. Change, even when we want it, can be terrifying. If you can face that, you can deal with the terrors of dating.
Donít assume ďIím crankyĒ is code for ďget lost.Ē It could just as easily be code for some period-related misery, or it may just mean sheís in a bad mood. While it is possible sheís trying to let you down easy, before you give up on her she deserves at least one more e-mail. Tell her youíre sorry she feels so crummy, but you hope sheís better by next weekend because [name of movie] is opening and youíd really like to see it with her. You wonít come off as needy, and her response will let know whether you should move forward with her or move on. Youíre just starting to date; if youíre like everyone else, itíll take a lot of trial and error to find someone youíre willing to spend the next few months with, much less the rest of your life.
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