Some guys are funny, SD: They think that just because you once gave it up for Tom and Dick, youíre somehow obligated to give it up for Harry, too. And when you donít deliver, they feel cheated. They think of you as a liquor store running a free beer promotion, but by the time they reached the front of the line, the supplies had run out and the doors were closed. Other guys think of any unattached new female entering the herd, so to speak, as fresh meat and feel compelled to give her a good sniff. The already established females will naturally consider the newcomer an intruder.
Donít worry so much about what the guys think. As soon as they realize theyíre not getting anywhere with you, most will lose interest. They may salve their egos by deciding youíre a frigid bitch, but who cares? The women are the core of the social group; they control the guest list, so if you want to stay in, you have to let them know they can trust you. You donít need to subvert your entire personality, but a little humility can go a long way. Ask their advice about where to shop for clothes, have your hair done, etc. Invite them to a girls-only brunch. Dress like a good girl. When and if you want to start dating, ask them about available men they may know. Nothing makes the married women in any group relax more than getting unattached single women safely paired up.
I am a lesbian, and I live with Amy, a wonderful woman I love very much. I have a 7-year-old son, Brad, from a former marriage, which, except for my son, was a big mistake. Brad and Amy took to each other from their first meeting two years ago, and he calls her his ďother mommy,Ē which makes me and my family very happy. Amyís mother, however, is dead set against it. She blames me for ďmakingĒ Amy gay, and is somehow convinced that if I were out of the picture Amy would see the light, find a great guy, get married, and live a ďnormalĒ life. She has refused to accept her daughterís homosexuality since Amy came out to her at 17. The other week Amy and Brad went to see her mother, and the woman barely acknowledged his presence. In fact, she told Amy that, in the future, she would prefer that she visit alone. Amy came home in tears, Brad was confused, and I was furious. Brad is practically this womanís grandson. How can she be so cruel? Should I insist Amy stop seeing her mother? I want to protect my son and the woman I love from being hurt.
Libby in Love
One day, LIL, Iíll invent an anti-venom kit for families, like the ones they have for snakebite, and get so rich I can buy my way into the White House, where, among all my other world-improving accomplishments, I will push through legislation making lower pay for women and minorities, ďfaith-basedĒ propaganda (including intelligent design and creationism) in public schools, and all forms of homophobia unconstitutional. Until that time, however, we have to deal the best we can with other peopleís ignorance, intolerance, and well- or ill-intentioned bad behavior.
You can comfort Brad by telling him that Amyís mommy doesnít understand some things, and that when people donít understand things sometimes it makes them scared and angry, but asking Amy to stop seeing her mom will only put her in the middle of an unwinnable tug of war that would only add to her distress. Try not to bad-mouth her mother too much either, which could make Amy feel a need to defend her. When and if Amy does visit, however, thereís no need for her to take Brad. As long as Mom is shooting poison darts, it only makes sense to keep him out of the line of fire.
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