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Mr. Wrong

Flogging Blog

Emily Flake

By Joe MacLeod | Posted 12/7/2005

Do you have a “blog”? Lotsa people make the blogs, right? I mean, I don’t have a blog, but maybe I should have a blog, huh? I don’t really think I want to have a blog.

I know it’s, like, a somewhat-neo neologism or whatever—“blog,” I mean—but it’s weird when you start saying “blog” a lot, huh? Blog. Say it with me: “blog.”

Blog. Blog, blog, buuhhhhhhhlllllloggg. Blog. There sure are lots of “blogs” on the internet, huh? This is not exactly a News Flash, but I learned (on the internet) that “blog” is a corruption-contraction of the term “web log,” which seems pretty geek-squared-to-the-nth-power, because it sounds like “Captain’s Log,” which makes me think of the old-school Star Trek teevee show with all those retro-futuristic cats and kittens running around in velour pajamas and inappropriate-for-the-workplace shorty skirts, but maybe that makes me a geek for being reminded of something that I think is geekish. Anyway, blogwise, check out this e-mail I got the other day:

Hey there Joe,

Clearly you have a knack for analyzing reality and transcribing it into a free flowing literary work of art. And you make it known to all of your loyal readers that the “every other week shit” just isn’t cutting it.

Right off the bat, I’m irritated because he puts “clearly.” I mean, clearly, the fucking word “clearly” is one of the more annoying verbal/written communication “crutches,” if you will, out there, right?

So my question to you is, why don’t you get syndicated??

And my answer to you is, what the fuck does that mean, “syndicated”? Like organized crime? All I want is for my column to run every week. Well, that’s almost all I want.

Just as a rough estimate, I’d say your fan base runs along the east coast primarily, with a peppering of Mr. Wrong fanatics fanning the country. Why are you holding back Joe? Give the people what they want.

I have a “fan base”? Clearly this guy does not look at the letters I get and run in my column. He will of course look at his own letter.

You need to get blogging . . . I’ve been traveling a lot, so if you already have a syndicated blog that I don’t know about, forgive me, and send me the URL. However, if you are not currently disseminating your wonderful prose outside the confines of The City Paper, then perhaps we should chat.

He’s “been traveling a lot,” eh? Yeah, that’s supposed to let me know he’s a big deal, right?

I work for a communications company that specializes in online marketing. More importantly, I get companies syndicated online through our Syndication HUB—and inject their posts into the web at large instead of having readers come to them.

Huh-wha? “Inject” my “posts”? Hah? “HUB”?

Clearly, an author with such witty and clever rhetoric at your disposal deserves to be read by as large an audience as possible; which is why I want to help. I can help target your column to specific geographic regions (starting with Baltimore) to attract your loyal readership through an online medium. Once you’ve established a relationship online (which is no problem thanks to the Mr. Wrong online columns and archives), readers can then subscribe to your content using the software’s RSS feature. Translation: Your readers can bypass The City Paper online entirely, and most appealing, they will instantly receive any new content you post automatically on their desktops!

I don’t get it. Almost every other week, a steaming pile of the “Mr. Wrong” is shoveled onto the internet, specifically the www.citypaper.com site, and that’s on the World Wide Web, which is, like, worldwide and shit. I got a letter once from a student in Austria, so what’s the “specific geographic region” crapola?

No more waiting around for every other Wednesday to read your column.

Seriously, this is something you should consider. All you need to bring to the table is enough material to publish more than once every two weeks. And from being a loyal reader, I know that won’t be a problem.

If I don’t hear from you within a week, I’ll assume you think one of three things: 1) That I’m full of shit 2) You’ve already got something like this in the works, or 3) You really are content publishing for The City Paper twice a month and gaining more exposure doesn’t appeal to you. Then you can stay at home and watch all the teevee your satirically talented mind can handle.

Best Regards, and keep up the good work.

John Downey, MDV Communications

Hey, didja notice how this guy never mentioned money? I bet that means he’s 1) full of shit.

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