Wanna know more about Mink?

Single Gal Sal

Anyone who tells you, SGS, that you can’t be happy unless you mate and reproduce has his head up his ass. If it were an absolute truth that everyone married and/or with kids were happy, I might be more tolerant of people who insist that this is the only life worth living, but since we all know that’s a big fat lie, these people should just shut up and mind their own goddamn business. Sure, kids are great; sure, marriage is great. I’m all for them, but this notion that if you don’t have them you’re a failed human being and a second-class citizen is just plain wrong. It’s insulting and dismissive to people who can’t legally marry, or who physically can’t have children, and to people who have either deliberately chosen to remain single and/or childless or, when they didn’t find worthwhile partners, decided to pursue other interests instead of spending their time and money mate-hunting. To give your friends the benefit of the doubt, though, they don’t mean to upset you; they just lack the imagination to appreciate the benefits of a life unlike their own. It’s also a teeny bit possible, whether they realize it or not, that they envy your independence. Don’t let them get you down. By the way, now that the world has acknowledged the existence of homosexuality, while “spinster” still just means an unmarried woman, the term “bachelor” has taken on a whole new meaning.

A woman I’ve known for years but hadn’t heard from in ages is now acting very chummy with me. Turns out she’s getting married this June and wants me to be a bridesmaid. She’s planning a lavish ceremony and has already picked out the very pricey gowns her bridesmaids will have to buy. Not only would this cut a big chunk out of my budget, possibly meaning I wouldn’t be able to take my long-anticipated vacation, but I don’t really like her that much. When I tried to demur tactfully, saying I didn’t feel I deserved the honor, she said I was just being modest. When I told her the gowns she chose were way out of my range, she told me it was an investment that I’d be happy to wear for years. She’s been married twice before, had big weddings both times, yet didn’t invite me. I hate to be rude to her, but do I have to be in this wedding just because she asked? And, since she’s already had two, isn’t it a little tacky to be having another really big wedding?

Never a Bridesmaid

Some people don’t know how to take no for an answer, NAB, and while this tenacity may be prized in the business world, in social situations it ranges from mildly annoying to downright obnoxious. Yet too often we allow people to bully us into stuff we don’t want to do because we can’t get up the nerve to say no. This gal may truly think you’re the greatest thing since TiVo, but her newfound enthusiasm does make me wonder whether the other women she has honored with bridesmaid status have made it clear they’re not available for encores. There is, after all, only so much pastel pink taffeta a gal can fit in her closet. And, although wedding planners and dress designers may tell you different, there are some of us who agree that a third wedding should be at least slightly less ostentatious than the previous two.

Not only is it not rude for you to decline, good manners require her to accept your decision gracefully, but since she’s not picking up on your hints, you’ll have to be more direct. Tell her that while you’re pleased to be asked you can’t do it. When she presses for a reason, which she probably will, either be honest enough to tell her that you’d rather spend the money on your vacation or make up a lie. Tell her you’re allergic to church dust. Or maybe you should just reschedule your trip for the weekend of her wedding so you’ll be out of town having your own good time.

Baltimore City Paper

812 Park Ave.

Baltimore, MD 21201

(410) 523-2300

Contact CP | Advertise | National Advertising | About Us | Work Here | Staff Directory

All parts of this site Copyright ©2013 Baltimore City Paper.