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Mr. Wrong

Letís Break a Deal

Emily Flake

By Joe MacLeod | Posted 3/29/2006

Deal, or no deal, right? Right? Har! Deal . . . or No Deal! Exclamation point! Heee-yahahaha! Címon, say it with me: Deal or No Deal. Deal. Or. No. Deal. Deal or No Deal, Deal or No Deal, DealorNoDealorNoDealorNoDealorNoDealorNoDeal

Iím gonna wear this out, seriously, this Deal or No Deal thing. Are you with me? No? Deal? Deal! No? Well, then; No Deal! Wahhhhahahahaa! No Deal for you! Hey, look, do you own a television box? Deal! If you donít, then seriously; No Deal, you should just go ahead and move on to read about the Politics (urgh, no offense, but No Deal, umkay?) or some nice Music or whatever, I donít care. Deal? Deal! Because, No Deal, seriously, I just donít want you around goiní all ďhuh-wha?Ē and basically all No Dealiní on my parade while I am having so much of the jolly good times and enjoyment with the title of this exciting new teevee game show titled Deal or No Deal, hosted by televisionís Howie Mandel, who is a comedian and has been on, like, televisionís St. Elsewhere, and televisionís Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman show, and televisionís The Tonight Show With Jay Leno show. I mean, this Howie Mandel, he continues to make a living on teevee, and I predict due to the runaway success of televisionís Deal or No Deal, pretty soon they gonna call him Howie ManDeal, right? Or No Deal?

Am I right? Deal? Or No Deal? Harharharharharhar!!! Har! Howie ManDeal! Or Howie ManNoDeal? Or Howie ManDeal-orNoDeal! Mwaarrrhahrha! Agchk! You canít make this stuff up, but I just did, Deal? Maybe like, ďTelevisionís Howie ManDealô,Ē right? Or maybe thatís gonna be the show that will be a ďspin-off,Ē if you will, a dating program called ManDeal or No Deal, to be paired with WoManDeal or No Deal, no? Alright, I canít hit a home run every time, Deal? Howabout Real or No Real World? OK, No Deal. Wheel or No Deal of Fortune? Hah? Hey, Richard Simmons could bring back his wildly successful (until it wasnít) dieting program ďDeal-A-MealĒ and call it Deal-or-No-Deal-A-Meal.Ē Deal? Or No Deal?

OK, anyway, on the Deal or No Deal program thereís all these suitcases to, uh, deal with (get it? Deal? Hee-hurrmphhhh!!!), and one of the cases has, like, a million dollars in it, I think, and then the Deal or No Dealer makes a selection, and itís like, well, Deal or No Deal, I guess. I mean, No Deal, I havenít actually watched the show yet, just some commercials for it, but Deal, I bet itís like that old game show (also on teevee, Deal!) called Letís Make a Deal (are you noticing the similarity in Theme here? Deal?), where people would pick prizes behind curtains, and then this guy named Monte Hall, who was the host, Deal, would ask them if they wanted to Deal what was behind the curtain they selected for something else that might be better, but also might be a way crappier Deal, like instead of a car, Deal, they would win an ant farm or a swaybacked horse or something, No Deal, and thereís not necessarily anything bad about winning an ant farm, Deal? Especially if you donít watch teevee. Deal.

But anyway, so, like, Deal . . . or No Deal? Bwahahaa!! Yeah, I know, it doesnít seem to be a particularly Complex puzzle youíre faced with, the Deal-or-No-Deal thing, if you are lucky enough to be a Contestant on the Deal or No Deal, but thatís some funny stuff now, in my brain, the Deal or No Deal, and I canít get it out, Deal? Or No Deal? See? I canít stop it! Deal, Deal, Deal, har! Itís like, hey, you hungry? Wanna go eat? As in: Meal? Or No Meal? Har! No, seriously, letís go get something to eat, wanna take the car? You know, like: Wheel, or No Wheel? Eeeeheeeehheee-haa-hack-ack!!! Want some bacon? You know, Squeal, or No Squeal? Ayyaahahahahaa! Oh, man, Iím laughing so hard Iím cryiní, you feel me? I mean Feel, or No Feel? Eee-oohoohoohoo-hah! Wow, this is gonna be funny until it isnít, I swear, for real. Or No Real. Deal? Or No Deal?

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