Sign up for our newsletters   

Baltimore City Paper home.
Print Email

Mr. Wrong

Bones of Contention

Smell of Steve Inc.

By Joe MacLeod | Posted 3/7/2007

So what's the big deal about finding Jesus the Christ's bones or ossuaries or leftovers or whatever? I mean, it's not like people who don't think Jesus the Christ was related to the God of Abraham are gonna give a shit, and if you do believe in, like, God, the Father Almighty and Jesus Christ, His only son conceived of the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, crucified, died, and was buried, descended into hell, on the third day rose from the dead, ascended into heaven, and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty whence He shall come to judge the living and the dead and whatever, then you also probably don't give a shit that the guy who made that Titanic movie is going around saying stuff about the Christ Jesus, right?

So let's move on dot-org to something way more important, namely, who dropped the Baltimore-ball with this The Police thing? The musical The Police, not the regular ones. I mean, personally, I don't give a fuck about The Police. I got me a vinyl 45 of the "Message in a Bottle" song, but I would never go to a The Police concert, although I believe all Americans have the right to do so if they are so oriented, umkay? It's all love here, OK? I'm just saying I heard about how the famous The Police musical combo wanted to play a show in Baltimore at the football stadium, which I guess is called Ravens Stadium? I kinda lost track of the name of after they were calling it "PSINet Stadium," because they (and you know who They are) whored out the name of the fucking stadium to this "PSINet" company for a dump truck full of money. But that's what it's all about, right? I got no problem with selling that shit all the way out, dig? That's what it is there for.

So the football Ravens had a "scrimmage" game for that day when the The Police wanted to do their thing, and whoever the shot-caller for the Ravens or the Stadium or whatever said, basically, fuck tha The Police, right? But deeper still, fuck you, Baltimore, and all the business of, like, parking lots, hot dog carts, bars and restaurants, hotel-motel-Holiday-Inn-type business, and tax dollars you, The People of Baltimore, coulda enjoyed from a visit by the musical act The Police, which was defunct for a long time but now is reunited 'cause it feels so good, as to Get Paid, as in Money. What happened to the spirit of Whoredom that allowed a perfectly good football stadium to be named "PSINet?" Didn't anybody smell some kinda money coming outta this event? Right?

And look, man, I have dropped serious cash on some tickets to the football Ravens, and have attended to witness the Power and Glory of 'Mania or 'Palooza or whatever gets tacked onto the end of "Ravens" when the attendant fan base gets sufficiently cranked-up and tailgated into the full foaming-at-the-mouth frenzy of footballness, with the Ravens, and the Purple, and all that, so I don't hate on the Ravens flavor of football. But who's the bonehead who decided to not have the The Police squat down in the Ravens stadium and crap out some commerce for the Charm City, hah? A fucking "scrimmage" game? That's a practice game, right? Are they selling tickets? Will they sell out the whole stadium? Couldn't they go play a goddamn fucking scrimmage game practically almost anywhere there's a football field and a locker room? Don't they have a Practice Facility or something?

I don't get it, man, seriously. Like I said, I wouldn't spend a nickel on a The Police show, especially with that goofball Sting guy going "oh-dee-oh, dee-o, dee ohhhhh" when he sings. Like, no fucking way am I dropping any cash on that shit. But the point is there's like, what, a ka-fucking-billion people who would? Hah? Right?

Scrimmage? Are you fucking kidding me? I know the football team needs to practice, but is that or is that not a giant eff-you to Our Fair City? Can't the Mayor or something exercise some Eminent Domain action on the football field to rake in some dough? What the fuck has happened to this country? I thought this was America, where the Business of America is Business? And I don't give a fuck if the The Police might play here later, man, really. First of all, who knows what The Enemy is gonna do, like, any minute, and second of all, I mean, did you see what the Chinese went and did to the stock market last week? Hah? My 401(k) is in the crapper again! We gotta stack some fucking paper right now!

Related stories
Comments powered by Disqus
Calendar
CP on Facebook
CP on Twitter