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Mr. Wrong

Lookin' Out For #8

Smell Of Steve, Inc. Is Enjoying Holiday

By Joe MacLeod | Posted 1/2/2008

Happy New Year, motherfuckers! Arrooo!!! It's like, "Welcome to the Year Two Thousand and Eight, I love you," right? Har! Yee-hah! I "quoted" that "I love you" thing outta the Major Motion Picture Idiocracy, one of my most fave-rave movies of the 21st Century, even though it did not, like, win any Palme d'Ors or whatever. It has some funny parts, you know? No offense, but I think maybe if they got a different actor to be the star, it woulda been better, like if they used the guy from Office Space who got hypnotized into realizing his dream of Doing Nothing, you know? Funny Stuff, man.

Speaking of Dreams of Doing Nothing, did you resolve any Resolutions for your Prospero Año Nuevo? Well, seriously, good luck and buena suerte with all that, especially if it is in terms of the smoking fatass less gravy on the "Disco Fries" kinda stuff. Did you ever go to a diner that had "Disco Fries" on the bill of fare, or menu, if you will? A plate of "Disco Fries" is not like "Freedom Fries" or any of that crap, it is simply a fun descriptor some diners bestow upon "French Fries" with Extra Stuff on them, usually Gravy or Cheese. I don't judge what you wanna put in your mouth, but lately pretty much I am trying not to be a fatass anymore, and generally endeavor to avoid burying my face in a plate of wet fries too much recently (a lot less, anyway), but if that's what you need to do or don't, then you should do that thing, OK? Or don't! I figure a good way to help with that resolutionary Goal would be to enjoy more actual Disco, as in dancing (exercise), and less fries, as in with gravy and/or cheese.

Anyway, in this Year of Our Lord Two Thousand Eight-Ball, strap on your helmet and enjoy a big plate of 2008 with gravy or cheese or chili or some steamed vegetables. I support you in your resolutions, dig? ¡Viva! That shit, OK? Have you noticed one of my resolutions is to inject more Español into my discourse? I totally dig on the upside-down punctuation for the Interrogatives and the Exclamations and stuff. It's like, why wait until the end of the sentence of words before you find out it is a question or an exclamation or just a period-stop-type sentence, right? Really, check it out in non-Español:

    ¿Hey man, who ate all the "Disco Fries," hunh?

    ¡I can't believe somebody went and ate all of the fucking Disco Fries, man!

That's fun, eh? I don't know how to say "fun" in Español yet, but I'm resolving to, so get off my back, si?

Jeez, that's totally a Be It So Resolved for me, man, reducing the painful itching and swelling of the ass-pain of Negativity, you know? It's like, if I could take the Jeep Liberty to order a plate of Resolution for the table, it would be to be less of a Pain in the Ass, right? And I ain't gonna front like I'm not one, so I would start with numero uno, like in the great song "Looking Out for #1," by Randy Bachman, who used to be in this Classic Rock band called "Bachman-Turner Overdrive," and I dunno if they ever had Disco Fries, but all the guys in the band were kinda heavy, so people would call them "Bachman-Turner Overweight," but guess what, man, they made lots of music and stacked up the loot, and I bet they were like, "Fuck your Negativity, man, I'm looking out for Number One," so to speak, which is like the words to the "Looking Out for #1" song I just copied and pasted off the Internet:

    Every day is an endless train / you got to ride it to the end of the line / be a troubleshooter blow the bad luck away / and you will make it to your station on time

    and you'll find out every trick in the book / and that's there's only one way to get things done / you'll find out the only way to the top

    is looking out for number one / I mean you keep looking out for number one

    Every night is a different game / We gotta work for our fortune and fame / success is a ladder take a step at a time / and the people will remember your name

    yes I found out all the tricks of the trade / and that's there's only one way you're gonna get things done / I found out the only way to the top / is looking out for number one / and that's me I'm looking out for number one . . .

So "Looking Out for #1"-wise, I'm no Music Critic, but subjectively, I believe this song is about the man, and how you need to keep that boot off your neck, right? In my case, the man is Keeping Me Down, columnwise, on this every-other-week bullshit schedule that is choking me out, wallet-wise, see? That's my plan for all 24-7, 365-plus-1 of Two Zero Zero Ocho, do you smell the Disco Fries of my Resolution? Yeah? ¿With gravy?

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