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Mr. Wrong

More Is More

Smell Of Steve, Inc.

By Joe MacLeod | Posted 3/12/2008

OK, before I start this week's column--or before I start this every-other week's column, on account of even though the Mr. Wrong "column" has been in this paper (and www-dot-pixels) for almost 10 fucking years and still is only every-other week--I announce to you, Gentle Reader, that the Mr. Wrong column is now every week, huzzah. It's not that big a deal in my opinion, because the other week will only be on the internet, and I say "only" on the internet because I will get paid less money for it, which totally plays hob with my moneys-per-word average, don't you know.

Anyway, More is More, and it breaks down like this: One week I write a Mr. Wrong column for Baltimore City Paper (and pixels) and I Gets Paid like, I think, $190, then the next week I write another Mr. Wrong column for this new web site called "Splice Today," which is www.splicetoday.com, and I Gets Paid a hundred bucks. Like I said, totally fucks up the per-word, but I'm gonna make it up in volume, man, volume.

So one could say I'm pretty enthused about getting another hundred bucks on the every-other, but the thing is, I wrote a column for the "Splice Today" like, last week, and They (I'm surrounded by Them) didn't put it up on their Internet Web site. How fucked up is that? What they did do was put up the last column I wrote for my $190 City Paper gig on their Web site, even though I wrote a perfectly good and shiny-new one to put on the "Splice Today" internet on the every-other week in which I don't have a column in the paper. Right? I think I need to make a chart.

So of course. I don't know about you, but now I'm starting to get kinda suspicious to see if they ever do run the column I gave 'em, because actually right now it looks like I kinda did Give it, because I haven't seen my Hundred Bucks yet, shit.

I'm gonna remain Positive about this situation, except for and however if they don't put up the column I gave 'em until next week, it will be a steaming-fresh pile of column just like the one you are reading now--or having read to you, it's all good--but see what I'm getting at? It's a fucking Conspiracy, man. It's like, even though I took Specific Steps to henceforth (or as long as that "Splice Today" thing stays in business) poop out a brand-new Mr. Wrong column every week, both chunks are gonna drop on the same week, and then there's nothing for a week. What the fuck? How hard is it to plan this shit out, you know? If I knew how to make a web site, I would have this bullshit all straighted out, but I don't, on account of I am both Greedy and Lazy.

I did exert myself enough to go ahead and make one of these things called a tumblr, which you can look at if you dial mrwrong.tumblr.com. It's totally like a child's version of a Fisher-Price toy for making a web thing, so I can totally relate to it. I went ahead and put up a picture of a bag of indian hot~n~spicy pumpkin seeds I enjoyed for a snack the other day. They were good, kinda spicy, but not too much. Pumpkin seeds give you a lot to do, you know? Like, you can try and get 'em outta the shell in your mouth, and then spit the shell part out, or you can just go ahead and chew the whole thing up until you get to the point where it doesn't seem too scratchy to swallow, if you get my drift. That's pretty much all I'll probably be doing, not eating pumpkin seeds, I mean internet-dot tumblr-wise, but Snacks are an important part of Life, you know?

Man, if I actually Gets Paid from this "Splice Today" thing, I'm totally gonna buy some Novel Snack Foods, you know? Some of the pricey shit, like those bags of little Asian-style fried green peas with the wasabi on 'em? Those are pretty good, too. I don't usually buy 'em too much, because they're like over three bucks a bag, but now that I might be having some Discretionary Income, my World is an ever-expanding oyster, or bag of Snack, you know? Good Times.

And hey, speaking of Time, are you enjoying your Spring Forward? You hadda figure it out by now, right? We are Observing the Daylight Saving Time again? I know, it's bullshit, because Time keeps on slippin' into the future, etc., but personally I enjoy getting tricked into thinking there's More Daylight. I mean, there really is more daylight, because of the orbit of the way the earth tilts or whatever, but this just kinda makes it more noticeable, you know?

Oh, man, I think I'm also probably gonna really start getting heavy into some State-Sanctioned-Gambling on the scratch-offs, eh? I wonder if I could take one of my hundreds (if I get it) from my "Splice Today" money and just plow it into scratch-offs? I mean, I know I could, but I wonder if I could deduct it off my taxes, like a professional? Probably not, eh?

More Column (maybe) at www.splicetoday.com, more crap at mrwrong.tumblr.com

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