On Square Off
It is now the most American time of year, the Summertime. I hope you enjoyed some sort of hot 4th of July Weekend action and shot off a bottle rocket and/or roasted a weenie and/or enjoyed a cool, refreshing beverage and/or whatever floats your boat. Personally, I spent a lot of time Being American, you know? I went to a "price club" store and marvelled at giant-sized bags of snack foods and multi-packs of stuff like Kraft Cheese Dinner (12 doses) and Irish Spring Deodorant Soap (16 doses), I inhaled the bleachy air inside a swimming pool supply store wherein I purchased Dangerous Chemicals, I bought beer and meat to enjoy on the 4th of July, I grilled and consumed meat (including some fine Ostrowski's products) and then poured cold beers down my throat while I watched a totally kickass and mostly illegal fireworks display somewhere in The City of Baltimore, USA, from whence I traveled to The Bengies drive-ins (a short drive from Baltimore, USA) and saw the Giant Robot Movie, and I was just like, generally, American and stuff, and then back in Baltimore, USA, while I was floating in my Ghetto/Whiskey Tango/Low Budget (take your pick) above-ground swimming pool I got all Reflective about it, so now I am making a buck with that Reflection, here on the pages and pixels of Baltimore's Most American Alternative Weekly, where I have been typing crap under the "Mr. Wrong" shingle for, seriously, more than 10 years, man. Since 1998, can you Believe that shit? I know, it's just not right, is it? Plus: I Gets Paid. This is a Great Country. God Bless The United States of America, and You, the Gentle Reader of the Mr. Wrong column.
Seriously, it's like: 10 years x 12 months per year x 2 columns a month until they (and you know who They are) cut my ass down to once every three weeks and blamed the Uncertain Economic Times = me being responsible for somewhere in the neighborhood of 250 of these "Mr. Wrong" "Columns." 250 columns, man! That's like, roughly almost and approximately 225,000 words of column! Because I have opinions on stuff, you know? But I'm getting my neck stepped on with the printed and Internet words for The People to read, so I figure gotta diversify, OK? So then somebody told me about this, which was on the www.dcrtv web site:
"Sher To Resurrect "Square Off" On 2 - 6/22 - A DCRTVer tells us that Baltimore TV veteran Richard Sher . . . made his debut on Channel 2/WMAR this morning to announce the return of the local news and talk show "Square Off" this September. The show previously ran on Channel 13/WJZ for 19 years, and has been off the air for 12 years. This morning, Sher also talked about his recent Ted Yates Award, presented at this year's local Emmy ceremony, and about being the only person who knew Oprah Winfrey was going to show up at the event to everyones' surprise. Sher, who did the "People Are Talking" talk show with a pre-famous Winfrey in the 1970s at Channel 13, also said some of the old "Square Off" regulars will return to the new WMAR show . . ."
And this, which was on the www.abc2news.com web site:
"He owned the mornings on local television when he hosted "People are Talking." He also owned Saturday night when he hosted "Square Off." We thought he owned retirement, but not Richard Sher, who is coming back to work.
Today on Good Morning Maryland @ 9, Jamie [Costello] sat down with Richard to talk about the return of "Square Off" and Richard to television. The popular debate show was on the air in the area for 19 years, but it has been off the air for 12 years . . . If you are interested in taking part in the show, e-mail the show with a picture of yourself, a quick bio and resume that explains why you should be part of "Square Off." The e-mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org . . ."
That's what I need to do! Go on the television, man! I fucking love teevee, so this makes perfect sense. But I'm not sending a resume, OK? Really, man, 225,000 words about Important Stuff such as the Politics, the Blue M&M, and Slot Machines, found in the vast Archive of Mr. Wrong column should speak for itself if you read it, OK? Speaking of reading, I would appreciate it if the Gentle Readers of the Mr. Wrong send an e-mail to the email@example.com and tell Baltimore TV veteran Richard Sher he needs to put me on his show. I don't know why a guy who supposedly retired last year alla sudden needs to do a TV show, but I figure it's not Money, you know? It's probably super-boring being retired, or else Baltimore TV veteran Richard Sher thinks he's gonna Make The City Better by having a teevee show where people talk about The City, or maybe Baltimore TV veteran Richard Sher is an egotistical guy who needs the constant attention one receives from being on the teevee, eh? Personally, I would do it for the Money, you know? Maybe Baltimore TV veteran Richard Sher's Retirement Portfolio evaporated in the Uncertain Economic Times and he needs to Earn, huh? I can relate to that. Anyway, Baltimore TV veteran Richard Sher, put me on your show, OK?
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