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Ladies Man

Emily Flake

By Mink Stole | Posted 11/13/2002

I have a little quandary in my life. A few months ago, I lost a lot of weight (about 50 pounds) and now I seem to be attracting women left and right. The problem is--I'm gay. Only some of my friends, and possibly my mother, know this, and I'm not flamboyant, so you can't really tell until I say something. I don't know what to do. I was honest with one deeply infatuated woman and told her that I have "no sexual feeling toward women." She burst into tears, and I left her apartment before becoming a homicide statistic. Later, a mutual friend told me that the woman was in love with me and I broke her heart. I only met her once! Now, I just recently started a new job, and there is a young woman that I work with that wants to "hook up" with me. How can I tell her about my preferences without hurting her feelings and still maintaining a relationship? I really like her, but just not in that way. I'm asking you because I value your opinion and I don't want some preachy sermon about homosexuality and the Bible. Mink, what should I do?

Flunked Out of True Directions

Wow! Congratulations! You must have been hiding some pretty spectacular good looks under all that blubber. Which, to the more sophisticated among us, would be the first clue that you're playing on the other team. For while not all gay men are gorgeous, out of the total gorgeous guys in the world a big enough percentage is gay as to make some of us question whether the "handsome" gene (if there is such a thing) and the "gay" gene (ditto) are especially biologically compatible.

Sweetie, your problem isn't that you're gay; it's that you need to bring both feet out of the closet. Why were you in that woman's apartment in the first place if you knew she was attracted to you? Being gay is no sin, but leading people on is. You don't have to mince around with your wrists all a-flap or show up at the office next casual Friday wearing a pink triangle T-shirt and chaps, but the next time this gal starts chatting you up it would be a good idea to make a reference to your preference. Unless you've been coming on to her, telling a woman you're gay is usually the one way you can reject her advances without hurting her feelings.

Anyway, you gotta do it. Just think how much more embarrassing it would be if she made a pass at you. And think about this--no matter how gorgeous you are, if you're still half-hiding in the closet, how are all the good men going to find you?

Last year at school I had a crush on a guy on the basketball team. He hangs with all the really popular kids, and since I'm not one of them, I kept my crush to myself. But he must have found out somehow, because this year he's started to pay me a lot of attention. At first I was flattered, but then I realized he was only making fun of me. He asks me personal questions, like whether I have a boyfriend (I said no), then goes over to his friends who have been watching, and they all laugh. My mom told me to tell him to cut it out, but when I did he just laughed and said he was only trying to be friendly and that I must be uptight. Well, it doesn't feel friendly to me. I try to avoid him, but he's in my science class so I have to see him every day. It's beginning to affect my grades. My friends think I'm overreacting and that I should just laugh it off, but even though I have a good sense of humor normally, this just isn't funny and I've started to hate going to school.

Bothered in Biology

Dear BIB:
It's hard to determine who are the bigger losers, the bullies who need to pick on somebody weaker to make themselves feel superior or the cowards who egg them on. They may be the popular crowd but believe me, if they weren't insecure, they wouldn't act like this. Plus, and I know I've said this a million times, popularity in high school is practically a money-back guarantee of a dull and boring adulthood; no one I know who is remotely interesting or creative was happy in high school. This may be as good as it gets for these poor guys, but it can only get better for you. Later, when you're living your fabulous fulfilling life, you can look back and feel sorry for the saps whose glory days were over in their teens.

In the meantime, to get this guy off your back, act like he doesn't exist and that his whole act--when you are forced to notice it--is a total bore. The next time he catches your eye, look right through him and yawn. If he speaks, ignore him. Your indifference might make him try harder for a while, so you'll need to be on your guard. But since it's only fun for him and his cohorts if you react, when you stop giving him what he wants, he'll go away. Taking with him, I might add, some much-deserved respect for you that he didn't start out with.

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Think Mink archives

More from Mink Stole

Pick and Choose (4/12/2006)
First of all, homosexuality isnít like snake handling or Catholicism; it isnít a cult or a religion you can be recruited for or converted to.

Territorial Rites (4/5/2006)

Family Guy (3/15/2006)

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