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Mr. Wrong

Make Money. Live Better.

By Joe MacLeod | Posted 3/3/2010

So They (and you know who they are) want to make a Walmart in Remington, a neighborhood of Baltimore, U.S.A.,1 and some Concerned Citizens are against it and they have a petition thing on the Internet where you can go and say you are Anti the Walmart.2

Personally, I am more on the laissez-faire3 side of the issue, especially when we're talking about any enterprise that would increase the Tax Base of Baltimore, and I'm not getting off my ass any time soon to go signing a "pro Walmart" petition or anything like that, but I would be totally OK with a Walmart replacing the auto dealership that's pulling outta there now, and maybe if I needed to purchase an inexpensive plastic lawn chair or a Blu-ray player or a kitchen implement or something else that is more than likely Made In China or possibly Mexico, and I was nearby, I would totally consider stopping in,4 but I think if enough Citizens make a case for why a Walmart shouldn't go there, in Remington, U.S.A., on the corner of 25th and Howard, then I say let Democracy take its course, you know?

I'm just saying it would be nice to have some sorta business there, in Remington, on the corner of 25th and Howard, and that includes the Lowes hardware that might go in there, which I would probably not shop at too much for hardware, unless it was like, 7 p.m. on a Sunday and all the little-guy hardware stores were closed and I needed something because I had a project going, like those stupid shelves I put up and I didn't have enough of those bolts that have the the plastic thing that goes into the drywall and I just made a whole buncha holes in the wall because I didn't use the plastic anchor-things that you are supposed to use in drywall and the screws and the brackets and everything all fell outta the wall when I put the stupid shelf onto the brackets, and I just wanna get this stupid shelf up, so I'm going to the Lowes. Anyway.

A movie has been made about why Walmart is Bad,5 but there are still kabillions of Walmarts all over the place, so I think if the Anti-Walmart people want to succeed, their argument is gonna have to focus specifically on why Walmart is Bad for the Corner of 25th and Howard, and not so much about stuff like (according to the movie about Why Walmart is Bad web site6) "Walmart drives down retail wages $3 billion7 every year," and stuff like comparing the "Federal Poverty Level Family of Four--$17,650" to the "Average Walmart Hourly Sales Employee Wages" of $13,861, which, when I did the thing in my calculator where you divide 13,861 by 52 weeks, and then by 40 hours, you end up with $6.663942307692308,8 but then the Walmart movie site says Walmart figures a 34-hour week, and that means (according to my calculator) $9.983031674208145,9 but that still ends up at $13,861 a year, so I'm not thinking about filling out an application at the new Walmart when it opens. I mean: "if." Yet.

Meanwhile, I read in the paper there's this thing going on in Queen Anne's County, in Maryland, in a town called Ruthsburg (which is also someplace in Maryland), where the State Department of the Federal Government of the United States of America wants to build this "Foreign Affairs Security Training Center," and many of the Residents of Ruthsburg are Anti the Foreign Affairs Security Training Center10 because They warn that the Foreign Affairs Security Training Center--with its driving tracks for teaching evasive maneuvers, mock urban center for live-fire training and explosives pit for detonating 3-pound bombs--would be a "little Aberdeen." Some are convinced the installation could eventually swallow more of the surrounding area, a roughly 30-square-mile swath of countryside with relatively few residents and little commercial development.

So I'm thinking, hey, build that thing in Baltimore, man! The site they want in Ruthsburg is 2,000 acres, and I have no idea how much an acre is, but if there isn't a 2,000-acre chunk of ground in the city, then just do it block to block, you know, like some of these college campuses we got here. There's lotsa areas of empty buildings that could be cleared for the explosives pits and stuff, and there are parts of this city that are ready to rock right now for some "mock urban center for live-fire training," right? I mean, we got the chopper-coppers flying around and guns going off all the time anyway, so what's a few more noisemakers if it means we're gonna get some jobs, eh?

1) "Wal-Mart Comes to Remington"

2) thepetitionsite.com/4/no-wal-mart-in-remington

3) According to merriam-webster.com, that means, ďA doctrine opposing governmental interference in economic affairs beyond the minimum necessary for the maintenance of peace and property rights.Ē

4) People of Walmart

5) Walmart: The High Cost of Low Price

6) walmartmovie.com

7) Thatís $3,000,000,000.00

8) I forgot how to round off numbers

9) Ibid.

10) "The battle is joined in Riuthsberg"

theawl.com, twitter.com/mrwrongcolumn, mrwrong.tumblr.com

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