Sign up for our newsletters   

Baltimore City Paper home.
Print Email

Mr. Wrong


By Joe MacLeod | Posted 4/14/2010

Your Baltimore Orioles blew the lead on Opening Day here in Baltimore, U.S.A., right? Hey, they are My Baltimore Orioles, too, man. I paid money and went to Opening Day at Oriole Park or whatever it is called there at Camden Yards and I paid attention to the whole game, almost, except for when the gentleman who appeared to be inebriated or at least profoundly confused, got out on the field in the manner of when a random wild animal gets out on to the field in those amusing sports highlights segments on the Today show and then people chase the unfortunate creature around and it's comical, but this was just more like the cops all walked real slow toward the guy, and I swear, all he hadda do was climb back over the little wall there and he probably woulda got a pass, but he didn't, and then somebody came to his defense from the cops, I think, which is probably not the way to play it, and from where I was up in the nosebleed section, it looked like she got rewarded with some nice bracelets and a Private Escort off the field. Anyway, Play Ball!

It is my considered Opinion as a Sports Fan that on Opening Day the people in the park should be fucking JACKED, man. It is Opening Day! Our Team could Win today! And then they could win and win and win and win and they would be in the World Series! It is possible! On Opening Day! Possibility! The Future! Yes! The crowd should be doing all kinds of cheering and hollering and maybe even The Wave, even though I'm never really sure how I feel about The Wave when I'm trying to actually watch the goddamn ballgame, but what I'm talking about here is when a person comes to Opening Day, they should have Enthusiasms. Enthusiasms. Baseball! Out on the field! And in the stands, what? Part of a team. Teamwork. Team! It was not there for Your Baltimore Orioles up in the stands on Opening Day, man.

Boog Powell and Brooks Robinson are Baseball Players from The Good Old Days, and they got the biggest reaction from the crowd. They don't play anymore. They, of course, deserve everything the crowd gave them for being awesome baseball players, but Orioles Fan, the team on the field deserves more of your fucking positive energy.

People BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'd the pitcher who was pitching in the ninth inning and he fell apart and put a few into the dirt and a run scored and that's all good, I guess? To punish the pitcher because it is the Right of the Baseball Fan to express when they are not happy? I don't know exactly what the Baseball Fan expects to have happen when they BOOOOOOOOO their own team, I mean, does the manager listen to the crowd to make decisions? Do the players make adjustments on the field related to the BOOOOO? Do they think to themselves, Holy shit, the Home Crowd is BOOOOOOing my ass! I better start Playing Baseball better! Wow, I'm glad the crowd BOOOOOO'd me when I made that mistake, because now I will not make any more mistakes! I'm gonna bear down now and Play Ball! Thanks, BOOOOOing Home Crowd fans! It's kinda like honking your horn in a traffic jam. What exactly are you accomplishing other than adding to the Negative Hate-Energy of the World? But go ahead man, BOOOOOO all you want. Maybe if you BOOOOOOOOO here in the stadium you won't go out later and get in a fight and Kill or be Killed, I dunno. Personally, I like to make some fucking noise in the ballpark, but I like to be Positive, and holler names of Home Team players and stuff like LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE when that Luke guy steps up to the plate, and WIETERS! Stuff like that. Gotta work on the WIETERS! one. Maybe like WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-ters! I dunno, gonna try some stuff out next game, we'll see. Anyway, if there is an opposing player close enough, it's fun to yell at him just on the general principle that he is The Enemy, so he gets a nice "HEY YOU! NUMBER 27 (or whatever number he is) HEY! 27! BOOOOOOOOOOO!" But there's this whole other thing, this YANKEES SUCK thing. Why? 

Seriously, the fuck you care about the New York Yankees? You are thinking about them and trying to be so clever hating on them that you do not understand how they have gotten inside your head, man, and they are in there playing with Fungo bats beating you down every time you tell them they suck. It's like, c'mon, we have enough to worry about with the Orioles, why are you bringing the Yankees into this? Yeah, sure, Evil Empire, Best Team Money Can Buy, but for fuck's sake, they are not even in the ballpark and people are going "YANKEES SUCK" as part of some cheer, I forget it exactly, but do the Yankees fans sit around in their stadium going "O's SUCK?" I kinda doubt it. It's not exactly a Rivalry we got here with the Yankees. Do the Yankee fans come to Baltimore and yell "O's SUCK?" No, they do not, they yell "LET'S GO YANKEES," not to remind the O's fans how Insignificant they are, but to let The World know who they Love. They don't have time to hate the Other team (unless it is their Natural Enemy, the Boston Red Sox), because they are too busy being in Love with their team. Why you gotta give the Yankees credit in any way? When you spend this much time and energy hating on Yankees, it proves You ARE ALREADY DEFEATED BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT CONCENTRATING ON YOUR OWN TEAM. Root, root, root for the fucking Home Team, man. I even heard a radio ad the other day where the guy is like, "Yankee Fans smell bad!" and stuff like that. Are you fucking kidding me? You are that weak of a fan of your home team you gotta spend time hate-stalking the Yankees?

It's kinda sick, man. And bottom line, if O's fans would buy tickets, then there wouldn't be so fucking many annoying Yankees and Red Sox fans in the stadium. You want to be a Real Fan? You come to the fucking ballpark when they are losing game after game, year after year, otherwise you are some fair-weather fan. You wanna BOOOOOO somebody, BOOOO the owner. I'm not sure he comes to very many games, though.,

Related stories
Comments powered by Disqus
CP on Facebook
CP on Twitter