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Anniversary Waltz

By Mink Stole | Posted 4/11/2001

My boyfriend is completely unsentimental and refers to our anniversary as a Hallmark holiday. Well, I don't care who invented the idea of anniversaries; I find it rude of him to dismiss it when he knows I like to celebrate it. All I want to do is have some feeling of commemorating our love (and all the booty I give him), but if I don't set the whole thing up, then the day will pass without him even saying anything special. He even bristles when I start trying to make plans with him for it. Don't you think he could "put out" for me emotionally, knowing how much it means to me?


Dear Mushball:

"Could"? Oh, sure, he could do lots of things. He could arrive at your door standing in the back of a white stretch limo with an armful of roses. He could take out a full-page ad in The New York Times telling the world that his life before you was crap and his life with you is bliss and that meeting you was the defining moment of his existence. He could drape you with diamonds, drink champagne from your prettiest pumps, and fly you off to Paris for a picnic at the top of the Eiffel Tower. But "could" doesn't mean "wants to," and if he's not going to do things on his own, nagging will not make them happen. And sulking or pouting in an attempt to wring some demonstration of undying devotion out of him will only make it worse, believe me.

Your comment about "all the booty I give him" bugs me. Unless you're a pro, sex is not supposed to be a about your partner owing you something for it. If you really want to celebrate your shared love, try giving up your Harlequin Romance fantasy and give him something. Take him to a hockey game, a demolition derby, a rock concert--whatever. And be a good sport about it. He'll enjoy himself, you'll get to spend time with him, and who knows, you might even have fun yourself. Then maybe next anniversary he won't be so phobic.

I am about to die of self-loathing. I caused my best friend to be dumped by her fiance[ACCENT]. She loves her boyfriend and is not the cheating type, but she slipped up and had a night of passion with an ex who came through town on business. She says she did it because she knew she would never sleep with another man after she got married and she wanted one last shag. I accidentally made a reference to the tryst when her betrothed was in earshot. He grilled her 'til she spilled the beans and now the marriage is off. I feel like the devil incarnate. Help! She won't take my calls and I am tempted to call her ex-fiancé and try to get him to reconcile with her. What should I do?

Wretched Wreck

Dear Wretched:

Shrinks love this stuff. No such thing as an accident, they say. Maybe your friend wanted out of the engagement and set you up to do her dirty work. Or maybe not. Maybe you were feeling a little left out, or had some other unconscious ulterior motive for being "accidentally" overheard. Or maybe not. You can see how shrinks can really get into this.

Calling the ex is a bad idea. At this point probably neither of them would welcome any additional interference from you. Also, no matter how eager or willing you are to take the blame, it's their problem and it's up to them to fix it if they can. After all, if she hadn't cheated in the first place there would have been nothing to overhear. Chances are she won't stay mad forever, and when she's ready she'll call you. In the meantime, do everyone a favor and keep your mouth shut. If they're going to work it out they have a much better chance if they can do it in private.

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