Agonizing Over It

Calm down. Since the only irrevocable decisions are to commit murder or suicide, AOI, as long as you live you can always change your mind. Admittedly, this is more serious than picking a dipping sauce for your McNuggets, but as nobody can predict the future, all this high anxiety, while natural, is futile. Instead, try a more deliberate approach. You already know what your life is like where you are, although it will certainly change when your boyfriend leaves, so do some research on what it might be like to go with him. Make calls; see if you could actually get the courses you want at a new college, how your credits would transfer, etc. Check out the housing situation. At the same time, make a list of all the pros and cons of going. Don’t judge, or argue with yourself, just write it all down: everything that scares you, everything that intrigues you. If you need a job, could you get one? When your list is as complete as you can make it, carefully consider and evaluate all the data, choose heads or tails and flip a coin. If you’re disappointed in the result, you’ll know the other option is the one you really want.

I think I probably already know the answer to this question in my brain, but the rest of my body can’t stop hoping my brain is wrong. I’m 23, and my boyfriend (he’s 25) and I have been together for a little over a year. We actually started dating more than two years ago, but a couple of months in he got nervous because he thought I was getting too serious too soon and we split up. I kept hoping he’d call me. He didn’t, and I started casually dating another guy, but when I was still thinking about him after several months I broke down and called him. We picked up where we left off, and, like I said, we’ve been together since. He told me the first time around that the only woman he would ever love was his high-school sweetheart who broke his heart. He also told me that I shouldn’t fall in love with him, that he’s not interested in a committed relationship, etc., but when he relaxes and lets his guard down he’s so sweet and tender to me (and so passionate when we make love) that it’s easy to believe he’s just protecting himself emotionally. I’m really crazy about the guy and think if he could just learn to trust me we could make a go of it, but whenever I talk about “us” and “the future” in the same sentence he plays deaf and changes the subject. I want to believe that if I just hang in there long enough he’ll realize we’re perfect for each other, but although I’m a romantic I know I also have to be realistic. Do you think there’s hope for me?

Wishing And Hoping

Yes, I do. Even though it’s so not what you want, WAH, you’re sharp enough to be facing up to the fact that, no matter how precious and endearing he may be at times, no matter how amorously enthusiastic, and no matter how much of your pride you’re willing to swallow to pursue him, when this guy says he’s not promising you anything he means it. There’s always hope for a woman (or a guy) who can do this. It doesn’t matter whether this man is protecting his emotions or just his options, he isn’t gonna give you a lifetime of happiness, and you know it. The problem is getting your brain to override the rest of your body parts so you can make your escape before you invest any more of your valuable time and emotions on a losing proposition. Keep repeating to yourself over and over, I’m too smart for this; I’m too good for this, and eventually even your heart will be able to let go.

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