I Love Mitchell
Come, now. Even if you were naive—or dumb—enough to believe your ex had nothing on his mind but the care and soothing of your battered emotions, when you learned otherwise instead of asking him to leave you let him spend the night. And, even if you weren’t technically a “hands on” participant, sex happened. Bill Clinton might not define this as cheating, but most of us, obviously including Mitchell, would. Plus, aside from the fact that turning to an ex for comfort is rarely the wisest way to resolve conflict with a current lover, if you really thought it was all so innocent you would have told Mitchell about it yourself and maybe prevented this whole mess.
Even if Mitchell’s anger is completely unjustified, however, you’ve said yourself you’ve got other problems. No matter how badly you want to you can’t fix this relationship all by yourself. You can tell him how sad you are, that you regret making such a stupid mistake in judgment, that you love him and wish he would reconsider, that you’ll even try counseling. But if he truly wants out you can’t force him back in, and trying too hard will only intensify the drama. It would be far better, and ultimately far less painful, to walk away with some dignity. If Mitchell is just being vindictive but doesn’t really want to break up, it’s the best way to call his bluff. And if he does mean what he says, it’s also the best way to show him that, no matter what mistakes you may have made and whether or not he believes you deserve another chance, what you absolutely don’t deserve is his abuse.
I’m 24 years old with two children. I was married to the father of my first child. Soon after leaving him, I met another man and became pregnant with my second child. This new man and I had so many fights about having the baby that I broke up with him. Now that the baby is here I kind of miss him, but he only wants to have sex with me, not a relationship. Would I be crazy to accept just a sexual relationship or should I move on?
Confused and Maybe in Love
The only relationship you should have with this man is one in which he acknowledges his child. He was an equal partner in that baby’s conception, and if he won’t take responsibility he’s less than worthless. For your children’s sake, it would be lovely if you could be on friendly terms with both their fathers, but as long as this guy has no interest in being in his kid’s life you shouldn’t be interested in having him in your bed.
Moving on is a much better idea than being this man’s real-life blow-up doll. But do yourself a favor before you go rushing into bed with another guy and get yourself some birth control. From a purely practical point of view, it’s a lot easier to find a man without a slew of squealy little ones grabbing at your skirt and demanding your attention, not to mention your time and money. And if it happens that you stay single, life won’t get any easier for you or the kids you already have if every time you meet a guy you’re attracted to you get a living, breathing souvenir to add to your collection. You may be the world’s greatest mom, I don’t doubt you love your kids, and I’ve got no great moral objection to “illegitimacy,” but having lots of kids with different fathers can weigh you down permanently with a lot of relationships you might otherwise prefer to cut loose.
812 Park Ave.
Baltimore, MD 21201