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The Price of Friendship

By Mink Stole | Posted 12/15/2004

Recently a good friend and I drove to an outlet mall in her car. We bought tons of stuff, had a great time. On the way home she was tired, so I drove. After we got home, she called to say she was missing $20, and asked if I had taken it. I hadn’t, so I told her, and suggested she might have lost it. She huffed that she never loses money, and that since we were the only two people in the car I must have stolen it. I said again that I didn’t, and she hung up. Now she won’t speak to me. She doesn’t return my phone calls, she wouldn’t answer the door when I went by (even though I knew she was home), and when I ran into her on the street last week she turned her back on me. We’ve been good friends for two years, and I really miss her. How can I convince her I’m not guilty of stealing so we can be friends again?

Falsely Accused

What I really want to tell you is to put a $20 bill in an envelope and mail it with a note telling this bitch to go fuck herselfbut since that would actually cost you $20, as well as the price of a stamp, I won’t. Also, she might take it as an admission of guilt although even if she didn’t, she’s not worth it. Anyone who would choose to believe that a friend would steal from her, rather than look anywhere and everywhere for another explanation, is a “friend” you don’t need, no matter how much you miss her. The thing is, if she really believes you took her money, any further denials will just convince her that you “doth protest too much.” And if she doesn’t really believe it, but is so invested in her I-never-make-a-mistake self-image that she’d sell you out for a lousy 20 bucks to protect it, she was going to find a way to make you a scapegoat for something sometime anywaythis is just when it happened.

What’s bothering me is that you’re not insulted, angry, or at the very least indignant at this accusationand that after all this time she couldn’t give you the benefit of the doubt. By trying to appease her, you’re sending a clear message that you still want to be her friend no matter how badly she may misjudge or mistreat you exactly the same things she’s unwilling to do for you. Leave her alone and get on with your life. If she should come to her senses and apologize to you, make up with her if you likejust don’t be surprised if (or when) she turns on you again.

My girlfriend and I were together for a year, but when I enrolled in university we decided to break up. We were both so unhappy about this, though, that after a couple of weeks we decided to get back together and try to work out a long-distance relationship. While we were separated, I got drunk one night and ended up at some girl’s apartment. We started to have sex, but a couple of minutes into it I realized it was a mistake and I got up and left. I saw her the next day and apologized, and told her I was still in love with my girlfriend. After my girlfriend and I got back together, I told her what had happened. I always thought honesty was the most important thing in a relationship, and I thought she thought so too, but now she’s really upset. She tells me she loves me, and I know she does, but then she says she’s not sure she can trust me. I thought I was proving how much I loved her. How can I make this right?

Honest Abe

They say confession is good for the soul, but it’s usually better for the soul of the one doing the confessing than the one having to listen to it. You thought you were doing the right thing by telling her, but instead of hearing proof of your devotion, what your girlfriend heard was that while she was sad and lonely and missing you, you were having sex with someone else. Ouch.

What you need is a grand, romantic gesture. Your girlfriend’s had the kind of nasty shock that often responds well to jewelry. I don’t expect you can afford the kind of important piece that could get a more affluent man out of the doghouse, but if you look hard enough you should be able to find something. A simple gold (preferable) or sterling (acceptable) locket and chain could do the trick. Don’t think of it as buying her off; it’s that you’re giving her something tangible and permanent, something she can see and touch, that represents you and the way you feel about her. Flowers are lovely, and you could begin your presentation with a pretty bouquet, but there’s nothing like a gift of jewelry from the man she loves to make a woman feel loved and cherished, and that the man in question is really, truly sorry.

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Think Mink archives

More from Mink Stole

Pick and Choose (4/12/2006)
First of all, homosexuality isn’t like snake handling or Catholicism; it isn’t a cult or a religion you can be recruited for or converted to.

Territorial Rites (4/5/2006)

Family Guy (3/15/2006)

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