Wanna know more about Mink?

Too Much Pain

In the opening of Hans Christian Anderson’s story “The Snow Queen,” a malevolent sprite invents a mirror that reflects all things as ugly and grotesque. When the mirror shatters, a fragment flies into little Kay’s eye and another into his heart, distorting his vision and deadening his soul, so that the world he sees is full of ugliness and evil. Depression is something like that, TMP—it warps our inner vision, so we can’t appreciate our own beauty and worth. But depression isn’t a fairy tale, nor is it a character flaw or self-pity, and, although some people do not understand this, it is not your fault. You do not deserve to feel this bad. You do not deserve the need to hurt yourself physically to stop hurting so much emotionally. Depression is a medical condition, an illness that saps our energy and destroys our joy, but when treated it is almost always manageable and even curable. For some people, anti-depressant drugs are almost a miracle.

You have to tell your parents what’s going on. Although there are some web sites you can turn to, such as www.focusas.com and www.suicidehotline.com, for help in understanding what’s happening to you, and while it’s good to get as much information as you can, you need medical attention. If your parents can’t help, speak to your school counselor or nurse or your family doctor if you have one. There are books, too. I haven’t read these, so I can’t exactly recommend them, but you can start with Bodily Harm by Karen Conterio and Wendy Lader and Women Who Hurt Themselves by Dusty Miller. Your local library should have them. The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone; there are people who want to help you. The next time you feel like hurting yourself, even if it’s just a passing thought, call (800) SUICIDE (784-2433). It’s a crisis line available 24 hours a day. There may also be a local hotline—check your yellow pages. Hang in there, kiddo. If you hold on and get the help you need, you might be very surprised how many people—including you and me—will be glad you stayed alive.

I don’t get this Internet dating business. I mean, is it just a place for people to go who aren’t interested in real relationships? I’ve been online with this one guy for several weeks and he’s really fun to chat with, but every time I suggest actually meeting in person he’s got an excuse. All I’ve asked for is a weekday coffee date—not even dinner or a Saturday night movie—but he always says he’s too busy at work, or has a project at home he has to finish. Or if I get affectionate online with him, he disappears for days. Then he comes back and tells me how sweet I am, and how important I’m becoming to him, and how he’s never known anyone like me, all of which makes me feel really good. And I get over feeling put off and start to believe he really likes me all over again. But I still want to meet him. I know where he lives and I’m tempted to drive by, but I think that wouldn’t be exactly playing fair. Also, he told me that since he started online dating me he had taken himself off the dating service list, but when I signed up a girlfriend of mine I saw his profile. Why would he lie? Should I tell him?

Perplexed

Girlfriend, can you spell l-o-s-e-r? There are lots of people who go online looking for true love—and some lucky ones find it—but this joker isn’t one of them. There are a million reasons why people lie online. It’s the one place they can pretend to be someone else and get away with it. Usually people improve themselves. Heavier- and older-than-they-want-to-be gals routinely drop 50 pounds and 15 years from their profile descriptions. Short, married, middle-aged, bald accountants bill themselves as tall, single 28-year-old surfers with thick blonde ponytails. And those are just the ones who don’t mean any real harm. The ’net is full of predators who disguise themselves to gain access to kids or con the gullible out of their money.

Maybe this guy is married, or too busy chatting with another dozen or so women he’s been wooing online. Or whatever. What’s obvious is that, even if he’s otherwise exactly who he says he is, he isn’t interested in a deeper relationship with you. Delete this one and keep looking.

Baltimore City Paper

812 Park Ave.

Baltimore, MD 21201

(410) 523-2300

Contact CP | Advertise | National Advertising | About Us | Work Here | Staff Directory

All parts of this site Copyright ©2013 Baltimore City Paper.