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Dreaming of Stardom

In my world, DOS, the craziest people are the ones with no dreams, and the saddest are those who had them but either didn’t pursue them or gave up too soon. Don’t let your mom’s reaction get you down—it’s normal for a parent to need proof that you’re willing to work and make sacrifices for what you want, and that it’s not just something you sorta think would be cool if it happened. Standing in front of a mirror lip-syncing into your hairbrush may feed a fantasy, but it doesn’t get you nominated for a Grammy. Joining a choir was a smart move—a lot of the greats got started that way, and it’s a good way to get the basics of voice training and start developing your style. It also shows you’re working at it, which is how you get people to believe in you. Learn guitar or keyboard; as much fun as having a band is, if you can accompany yourself you won’t be limited to working with one. And songwriting is a lot easier when you can actually hear the notes.

All this work may cut into your social life—that’s the sacrifice part—but what you don’t get to give up is school, at least not yet. As bad as high school can suck, college can be so much more stimulating. Keep your options open. Find one that offers psychology and music. And if you’re really smart, you’ll take some finance courses. You don’t want to work your way to the big bucks just to have some sharpie business manager steal it all while you’re on stage.

I just asked my girlfriend to marry me and she said yes. We’ve been dating for two years and I love her a lot. She’s kind and funny, and I’m sure she’ll make a great mom. We both want kids and we’re really good together, so we have a great shot at a happy life. We’re planning an October wedding. But for some reason I’ve started fantasizing all the time about my old girlfriend. I hadn’t thought about her in years, but ever since we got engaged I wake up every morning thinking about my “lost love,” wondering where she is, what she’s doing, and if she still loves me. I think I still love her. So far I’ve resisted the impulse, thinking it’s probably best to let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak, but I desperately want to see her to check out whether what I’m feeling is true or if I’m just imagining it. I’d hate to hurt my fiancée, but I’m scared I might be marrying the wrong woman.

Which Woman Woes

You’ve got a bad case of the what-the-fuck-have-I-gotten-myself-into jitters, WWW. Which may or may not mean you shouldn’t marry your fiancée, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in love with somebody else. You’ve trained a kind of blurry, soft-focus lens on the memory of your old girlfriend, creating a romantic aura around your love affair and obliterating the reality of whatever fundamental incompatibilities ended it. There is a reason you’re not still together. At the same time, you’ve got a fisheye lens trained on your current relationship that’s exaggerating every tiny flaw. Your fiancée doesn’t stand a chance against that kind of competition, imaginary though it may be.

Before you contact the ex, though, try switching focus. Instead of romanticizing it, concentrate on why your old relationship ended, and at the same time remember what you loved so much about your fiancée that you wanted a future with her. If that doesn’t fix your perspective, go ahead and call the old girlfriend. Prenup jitters are normal, but marriage is too important to have major doubts. But you owe it to your fiancée to make the meeting as unromantic as possible—like lunch at some fast-food joint. If the reunion scenario you’ve concocted in your mind can survive the realities of bad burgers and harsh fluorescent lighting, and if the old flame is as eager to be relit as you hope, it would probably be wise to call off the wedding. But if you decide to start up again with the ex, please have the decency to break it off with your fiancée first.

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