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Simply Being Honest

It’s easy to stand firm on your moral imperatives when they’re unchallenged, SBH, but believe me, if a bazillionaire showed up on Judy’s doorstep with an engagement ring and a marriage license, that sanctimonious pedestal she’s set herself up on would likely get sent to storage faster than she could say “world’s oldest profession.” It isn’t about marriage exactly, but there’s a story, sometimes attributed to Winston Churchill and other times to George Bernard Shaw, wherein a man asks a woman if she’d sleep with him for $1 million. She says yes. When he asks if she’d do it for $1 she, offended, demands to know what kind of woman he thinks she is. He replies smugly that that has been established and all that’s left is to haggle over the price. This story always pisses me off because there’s a huge difference between casually selling your body for the price of a Big Mac and deliberately choosing to perform an act that would radically change your life.

So, if I have to take a side, I’m on yours, but considering it’s unlikely either of you will ever be faced with making the type of decision that took Anna Nicole Smith from obscurity to TV pop icon, this is a damn silly issue to bust up a good friendship over, and certainly not worthy of two mature, sophisticated, professional women like yourselves. Call Judy. Tell her you miss her, and that if she’ll let you be Cinderella when you grow up, you’ll let her be Barbie.

I like this guy who is a longtime friend of my cousin. When we were younger we had a crush on each other, but nothing came of it. Now that I’m 23 and he’s 25, I’d really like to pursue something. I was able to initiate communication, but whenever we were supposed to get together he always backed out. He has a child who lives with its mother. I know that taking care of a child can consume a lot of time. The mother seems to be a real problem, too. I thought at one time he wasn’t interested, yet a real reliable source confirms that he is, but that he feels he isn’t in a good enough place in his life to be a part of mine. I’m just not sure if I should try to get him to sit down and get everything out in the open or give up on him completely.

Wanting to Know

Since you and this guy had your crush, WTK, big things have changed in his life, the biggest obviously being that he’s a dad now. Having a kid can be a great thing, and it’s to his credit that he wants to be in his kid’s life, but as long as the kid lives with its mother, and as long as the mother is a problem, he has to cope with that problem and you would have to accommodate it. Even without all the extra stress and aggravation a problem mom could create, just his being a good dad could mean less time for you than you realize, inconveniently interrupted or canceled plans, and the occasional (one hopes not life-threatening) emergency.

I tend to distrust “reliable” sources, because they’re more likely to tell us what we want to hear than to give a truly objective analysis, but if you’re sure of yours, and you’re also sure that you want this guy, you have nothing to lose by talking to him. Be gentle; if you demand a permanent commitment right this minute or else, you won’t get it. But maybe if you tell him you understand and accept his current situation, he’ll be reassured enough to actually keep a date with you. If, however, he’s still not ready, don’t force it. Tell him you’ll be glad to hear from him if and when he changes his mind, but you won’t hold him responsible if he doesn’t. Then move on.

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