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Joe Not-So-Cool

By Mink Stole | Posted 4/20/2005

I work as a freelancer in a web-design firm with a pretty relaxed atmosphere, and thereís a woman who works here on a regular basis that Iím really attracted to. Sheís always been friendly, and then we started getting more flirtatious, and she actually asked me out a couple of times. The first time was with a group of co-workers, which was OK, but the second time was just the two of us. We had a good time, but I wanted to play it cool, so I didnít follow up right away with any invitations of my own. Then, a couple of weeks later I suggested we go out to dinner again, but even though she said yes, I could tell she wasnít especially enthusiastic, so I let it drop without making a definite plan. The next time I talked to her I pretended to be interested in another woman freelancer, even though Iím not. I guess I was just trying to see if she would be jealous, but instead she acted like she didnít really care. I still really like her, but I guess Iíve blown it, havenít I?

Freelance Fuckup

No shit, Sherlock. Next time a woman you find attractive shows you sheís interested, why not just flip her the finger right away and save both of you the time and trouble of actually having a good time together before you treat her like a bag of used cat litter and lose her forever.

Look, FF, you donít have to buy a gal an engagement ring after one or two dates just to prove you like her, but feigning indifference just to be cool is stupid. Youíve lost your chance with this lady, but next time, with the next woman, if youíre lucky enough to have a next time with a next woman, play it a little warmer. If you have a good time with her, let her know you did and suggest a specific next date. If you want to go slowly, fineómake the specific next date for a couple of weeks away, but make it. Remember how good it made you feel when she asked you out? Then repay the compliment. You may not be as cool, but the chances are you wonít be as lonely, either.

 

Iím in love with an actress. Sheís 26 and Iím 27 and weíve been dating for nearly two years, and I want to ask her to marry me. But I have one big problem. My girlfriend is very pretty and very talented, so she plays a lot of lead roles and I get jealous whenever she has to play a love scene with a good-looking leading man. She tells me she loves me, that Iím being silly, that itís acting, and that if it looks like sheís really in love with the guy, itís because sheís a good actor. I want to believe her, and I do mostly, but deep down inside it still makes me a little crazy. Would I be completely out of line to ask her not to do plays with love scenes? Anyway, Iím asking you because youíre an actor too, and you would know about this kind of thing.

Stage Door Johnny

Thereís a reason they call it acting, SDJ, and thatís because it is acting. Acting by definition is make-believe, pretend. If theyíre good enough, actors who loathe each other can convince an audience of their undying passion. Film actors sometimes do incredibly intimate love scenes the day they meet on the set for the very first time. Then, when the scene is over, they go back to their respective trailers and call their kids. It can be hard for insecure significant others to watch, but for a young attractive actor, itís all in a dayís work. To ask your girlfriend to give up love scenes while sheís still young enough and pretty enough to play romantic leads is like asking her to give up acting until no one thinks sheís sexy anymore, by which time there arenít that many roles available. The dreaded 40-year female expiration date comes soon enough in this business without the one she loves trying to force her out before her time. Iím not saying you canít ask, but if she has any ambition to go along with her looks and talent, donít be shocked if she decides to give you up instead.

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