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(Hetero) Dude Looks Like a Lady

By Mink Stole | Posted 4/27/2005

If a man likes to wear women’s clothes, does that mean he’s gay? Even if he doesn’t think so? I’m a 25-year-old single woman, I’ve always thought I was pretty sophisticated and open-minded, and I have always tried to be nonjudgmental when it came to what turned people on. I mean, except for child abuse and hurting anyone without their consent. But I recently met a guy I really liked who in every way seems perfectly hetero except he likes to wear women’s underwear. We’d been dating for a couple of months, and our sex life was terrific, but one day I noticed he had a Victoria’s Secret catalog. I thought it was to drool over the sexy models, but when I kidded him about it he told me he was really drooling over what they were wearing. He said wearing silky lingerie turns him on and he often wears bikini panties and camisoles under his work clothes. He says he’s completely straight, and I know (I mean, I really know) he’s attracted to me, and there’s absolutely nothing effeminate about him, but this underwear thing has me a little confused. Is he kidding himself? Am I kidding myself?

In My Closet

If Superman had used his X-ray vision to check out people’s unmentionables, IMC, he might have been shocked at the number of happily hetero guys who traded in their tighty-whities for the kind of skimpy little satin and lace numbers that would make a real gal blush to wear. Sure, most of the guys you see out in drag are gay, but I’ve seen conventions of cross-dressers where a lot of the guys were there with their wives. Even without spouses, however, it was pretty easy to tell which were which: The gay men had more style.

If this is the only thing about this man that bothers you, get over it and be happy. Or embrace it and make it the basis for a whole new erotic way of life. You know how some couples like to wear those matching outfits wherever they go? Well, you could do that, too, only with your underwear, so it could be your sexy secret.


My dad passed away a few months ago after being ill for several years. I’m divorced, and my 10-year-old daughter and I had been living with him for the last few years, taking care of him. My two sisters are married, have good jobs, own their own homes, and are much better off financially than I am. Before he died, our dad explained to all of us that he was leaving his house to me, and splitting the rest of his assets three ways, which is what he did. Now my sisters are furious. They’ve decided I must have poisoned his mind against them. They want me to sell the house and give each of them a third of the proceeds. One of them even said that since I lived “free” for so many years they should probably even get more. She actually told me that if I don’t do what they want she’ll never speak to me again. The other sister hasn’t been quite as vicious, but she’s still plenty insistent that they got a raw deal. I’m sorry they’re so upset, but I think if my dad wanted them to share the house he would have left it to all three of us. What do you think? Should I do what they want for the sake of family harmony?

Unhappy Heiress

Harmony, schmarmony. The wrong note isn’t coming from you, UH, it’s coming from your greedy, selfish sisters, who are trying to guilt you into giving up the security and peace of mind your dad wanted you to have. Now, to put a kinder spin on it, it’s true that a lot of times people equate the size of their inheritance with how loved they were by their parents, and your sisters may be hurt thinking they were not as important to your dad. But since he spoke to all of you about it well in advance, and explained his reasons, they can’t really claim that this is a horrible shock. And it’s not as if he cut them out entirely.

Giving in to them will not fix anything. It may appease them for a while, but it’s just as likely they’d stay bitter and resentful no matter what you did. And, unless you’re the kindest, most generous, most selfless person on the face of the planet, sooner or later you would resent the hell out of them for bullying you out of what’s yours. Keep the house. I wouldn’t rub their noses in it, but tell your sisters that although you’re sorry they’re so dissatisfied, your dad left you the house because it was your home, he wanted you to have it, and therefore the subject is closed.

Related stories

Think Mink archives

More from Mink Stole

Pick and Choose (4/12/2006)
First of all, homosexuality isn’t like snake handling or Catholicism; it isn’t a cult or a religion you can be recruited for or converted to.

Territorial Rites (4/5/2006)

Family Guy (3/15/2006)

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