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Baby Blues

By Mink Stole | Posted 5/4/2005

Iím an intelligent, attractive, well-educated woman in my mid-40s. Iím divorced, childless, self-employed, and moderately successful, and for the last eight years I have been dating a good-looking self-made multimillionaire quite a few years older than I am. Although weíre not as hot and heavy as we once were, weíre still amorously active, if you know what I mean, as well as good company, and we spend a lot of time together. The problem is that last year my friendís 35-year-old son divorced his wife of 10 years to marry a 22-year-old airhead with big blond hair and store-bought boobs. Now they have a son, who is my friendís first grandson, and heís become the center of my friendís universe. My friend has a second house in the country, and we used to spend lovely quiet weekends together, but now almost every weekend the whole new family comes along. The babyís delightful, of course, and I can see how much my friend enjoys him, but I canít stand his mother, and Iím not so crazy about the babyís father either, so itís hard to spend so much time with them. I feel so petty, but I miss time alone with my sweetheart and I want to know how to get it back.

Baby and Bimbo Blues

As a deliberately childless woman myself, I can understand how the introduction of an adorable, attention-sucking little crib crawler, equipped in this case with unpleasant parents, into what was once a relaxing and romantic just-the-two-of-us weekend existence could cause a definite, if reluctant, resentment. Unfortunately, if you want to keep your sweetheart, youíre gonna have to get over it. As distasteful as you may find these people, itís up to you to find something about them you can relate to and appreciate. You canít put yourself between your lover and his family, because in any such adversarial relationship, you would lose.

Itís possible that as time goes on the novelty of spending every weekend with the family will wear off and heíll be happy once again with the peace and quiet (and romantic possibilities) of being alone with you. However, if the situation remains intolerable, youíll have to decide whether being with him and them is better or worse than being without him. If you canít go with the flow, you might have to end up just going.

 

Iím 19, and thereís this guy I met through my brother that Iíve known for a couple of years, just as friends. Lately, though, we have been flirting a little, nothing really serious, but I do like him. A few days ago, I called him at about 2:30 in the afternoon and suggested we go to a movie around 7. It was a movie I knew he wanted to see, and he seemed enthusiastic about it. He even said he might stop by my apartment with friends. I told him I would check out the exact time of the movie and call him right back. I called him back at 3 and he wasnít there. His roommate said he went out with some friends. I called back at 5 and again at 7, but he still wasnít there and he never called me to explain. The next day I called, and when he answered I asked what happened and he said he went with some friends to a party. When I reminded him we were supposed to go to a movie he told me he had another call waiting and would be right back. After about 30 seconds I realized he had hung up. He still hasnít bothered to call me back. Iím really pissed off, but I wonder if I should give him a second chance.

Mad About the Movie

You have every right to be pissed, MATM; the guyís acting like a total jerk. However, if by giving him a second chance you mean should you call him again and ask him out again and give him another chance to blow you off, the answer is a big fat NO. If what you mean is should you call him again to demand an explanation as to why he has been too damn impolite to call you back and apologize for standing you up and/or hanging up on you, the answer again is a big, fat NO. This guy has been quite casually rude to youótwice (which means that ipso facto youíve already offered him a second chance, which he declinedóso calling him again for any reason would just invite further indifference and maybe worse. You donít need that.

The thing about a second chance is that itís only worth anything when the one getting it has to risk rejection by actually asking for it. So, if he should call you and apologize and give you a damn good reason for acting like such an asshole and ask for another chance, and offer to make it up to you by taking you out to dinner and a movie or whatever, then, depending on the reason and the offer, you could consider it. Otherwise, give yourself points for having the courage to ask him out, and reward yourself by never talking to creep again.

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