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Mother Knows Best

By Mink Stole | Posted 5/11/2005

My boyfriend, Ricky, and I are both 23. We’ve been dating for nearly four years, but because we were attending colleges in different cities, a lot of that time was spent apart. When we graduated, I asked him to move to my hometown, but he insisted he wanted to stay close to his family. Little did I know how close. Now that I have moved to be with him, I feel like I’m playing second fiddle to his parents everywhere but in the bedroom. We’re living together and we both have decent, well-paying jobs, but he still takes all his laundry (his, not mine) to his mom to wash and iron. Then, when he picks it up, she’s prepared a week’s worth of his favorite food to bring home. She’s always offering to help with the housework, or to take his car in for a tune-up—and he lets her. He raves about her cooking, so we have dinner there at least three times a week. And his dad slips him a fifty-dollar bill every time he sees him. I’ve always been extremely independent, and watching my boyfriend’s parents treat him like he’s still a kid is making me nuts, but when I’ve tried to tell him how I feel, he says I’m just uptight and his mom needs to feel useful. Recently, he starting talking about getting married, but I think he’s more committed to his family than he is to me. Will he grow out of this?

Everybody Loves Ricky

Holy Marie Barone, ELR, with apron strings that short tying your Ricky to his mama, it’s a wonder you can have him alone in your bed long enough and often enough to maintain a sex life at all. It’s sort of surprising she hasn’t taken to calling at odd hours, “just to say hello,” in a conscious or subconscious effort to thwart it. The dad isn’t helping, but he’s a minor player in this little Oedipal drama. Sadly, so are you. The female lead in this production is Mama herself, and she’ll fight as hard as any aging Broadway diva to keep any and all ingénues from stealing her center-stage spotlight.

If you could somehow manage to get Ricky to move across the country or even to another state, you might stand a slim chance of seeing him develop into a real grownup, capable of an adult relationship. But as long as mama’s got ready access to him, she will keep him emotionally 14 forever: old enough to want sex, but not mature enough to leave home. Remember that marrying a mama’s boy really means marrying a boy and his mama.

 

I’m a 32-year-old guy who’s never been married, but would like to. Recently I joined a video dating service and met a great gal who just got divorced. We’ve been out a couple of times and have another date set up for this weekend. She’s been really enthusiastic whenever I ask her out, and we always have a terrific time. I really like her and would like to see if this could develop into something permanent, but she stated in her profile that what she was looking for was a chance to meet new people and an occasional casual date. I’m wondering if I should tell her how interested I am or if I should go slowly. I’ve met with two other women from the service, but I found myself wishing I were with the one I really want. But if she’s not really interested in me, I don’t want to waste my time or risk getting hurt badly. How should I handle this?

Victor Video

Women have long been taught, VV, that a man will run away from a perfectly wonderful woman who says she wants to get married about as fast as he would run toward a scantily clad bimbo with her hotel-room key in one hand and a three-day supply of Viagra in the other. Which means that even if this gal of yours has her next wedding dress hanging in her closet and the reception hall already booked, it’s unlikely she would have said so in her profile. So, while maybe she meant exactly what she said, probably what she meant was she wanted to date casually until she met someone she could get serious about.

But it’s a little early in the game for you to give your whole hand away. Women can also get spooked by a guy who wants to commit too soon, and it would probably be better to keep it light for a while longer. The way to find out how she feels about you is to keep asking her out; as long as she’s happy to go and enjoys being with you, you’re doing fine. If you haven’t already gotten romantic, it’s probably about time to move in that direction. It’s not a guarantee, but women tend to want exclusivity when they start having sex. Also, if she’s not interested in you, this would probably be the time when she’d let you know. No one wants to get hurt, but if this gal is as great as you think, she’s worth the risk. If she’s not, you’re wasting your time anyway.

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Think Mink archives

More from Mink Stole

Pick and Choose (4/12/2006)
First of all, homosexuality isn’t like snake handling or Catholicism; it isn’t a cult or a religion you can be recruited for or converted to.

Territorial Rites (4/5/2006)

Family Guy (3/15/2006)

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