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Funny Paper

Haiku for the Holidays

Dec. 22-28, 2003

By Scocca & MacLeod | Posted 12/31/2003

NEW YORK TIMES CROSSWORD HAIKU FOR THE HOLIDAYS DEP'T.:

WHATIREALLYMEAN
HOYA OYEZ TOMEI HEY
HIGHWAYMEDIAN

SUN CROSSWORD HAIKU FOR THE HOLIDAYS DEP'T.:

ACE ALBUM FROM BING
TINSELTOWN SANTA HOMAGE
JOINTHECHORUS HEBE

OPUS:

Off-course Mars Rover
Swoops down to take the hero
Somewhere funny, please

FAMILY CIRCUS:

"Untrimming the tree"
Jeffy enjoys tradition:
Year-before-last's gag.

SALLY FORTH:

"The Forths' First Christmas"
Check out the goatee on Ted.
Sally wears no pants.

JUMBLE:

SILENT NIGHT, WRINKLES
"A pair of gloves can do this"
A: "COME IN 'HANDY'"

REX MORGAN, M.D.:

Soldier with a gun
Gazes on a shining star
Merry Christmas, troops!

DOONESBURY:

"Herr Gropenfuhrer"
Addresses the Fourth Estate
About grabbing ass.

JUMP START:

A box of nothing
The gift leaves Marcy speechless
Because, see, it's "love."

ZIGGY:

Each great idea
"Already exists in the world"
Just not around here.

MARMADUKE:

The dog wears a hat
While barking at the neighbor
"Woof! Woof! Woof!" he says.

HI & LOIS:

A single panel
Of characters all singing
Even the trash guys.

LUANN:

Puddles wears antlers
Luann is nowhere in view
Thank you, Greg Evans!

BARNEY GOOGLE & SNUFFY SMITH:

Snuffy sends Lukey
A personalized mailing:
A "marked" Chris'mis card.

CURTIS:

Curtis gives his pops
A CD of hip-hop hits
Oh, "And a hammer!"

CLASSIC PEANUTS:

Ol' Joe Shlabotnik
Never shows at the banquet.
Chuck Brown is distraught.

MARY WORTH:

Presents on Christmas:
"That's how I feel about Dawn"
Woody Hills tells Bev.

APARTMENT 3-G:

"Your friend is stable."
But his people are in Greece.
"We'll help him get strong."

MOTHER GOOSE & GRIMM:

Santa's surveillance
Sets up a John Ashcroft joke
Mike Peters, you suck.

FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE:

Liz takes the bus home.
"The best presents" can't be wrapped
This one is for worse!

BEETLE BAILEY:

At the Bailey feast
Things get intertextual
With Hi and Lois.

DILBERT:

"Alice gets downsized"
"I don't need to shave my legs"
Cops think she's Sasquatch.

NON SEQUITUR:

"The Call of the Mild"
Danae's holiday journey
Peters out at last.

THE BOONDOCKS:

Time to go to church
Granddad declares on Friday
Huey calls his bluff

CATHY:

Boxing Day arrives
Cathy gets off her fat ass
To go buy more shit.

HAGAR THE HORRIBLE:

Hagar shafts the crew
On their Christmas bonuses
You Viking too, boss?

B.C.:

Real tact there, Johnny
Bringing up crucifixion
On the guy's birthday.

THE MIDDLETONS:

The people and dogs
Do standard cold-weather gags
No heavy lifting

MARK TRAIL:

Mark spies a stranger
"Are you with the government?"
"Uh, yeah," the man says.

flgraph:THE PHANTOM:

Prince Condor survives
Being tossed by a rhino
We call bullshit now.

WILLY 'N ETHEL:

Willy cracks a beer
And recounts his adventures
Back at the tavern

ZIPPY:

Refer to Christmas
Or refer to referring?
A holly leaf falls.

SHOE:

Dear, dear Santa Claus
Please get this dead person's strip
Out of the paper.

MOMMA:

Alone on Christmas
Except for a note from Mell
She resents the kids

HERB & JAMAAL:

Yolanda shows up
And gives Jamaal a big hug
Instead of a gift

ONE BIG HAPPY:

Barkeep Aunt Dolly
Killed a rat with a slingshot
Now she'll mind the kids.

GARFIELD:

The Christmas spirit
Awakens the cat's good cheer
Comedy still sleeps.

BLONDIE:

Dagwood gets a gift
That's shopworn in two senses:
Herb returns a tool.

KUDZU:

Doug Marlette's Kudzu
Never any good ever
Sun: please kill this strip.

DENNIS THE MENACE:

Surrounded by gifts
Dennis the Greedy Menace
Demands next year's loot

THE LOCKHORNS:

Loretta's cooking
Makes Leroy "turn red and green."
Bunny Hoest gets paid.

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More from Scocca & MacLeod

What Am I? A Freakin' TV Guide?! (2/18/2004)
February 9-15, 2004

This One Is Not a Sweetheart (2/11/2004)
February 2-8, 2004

Hey, It's a Start. (12/24/2003)
Dec. 15-21, 2003

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