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March 19-25

By Scocca & MacLeod | Posted 3/28/2001

What ever happened to "Light for All"? Funny Paper's attempt to summarize the Jumble this week was thwarted by the obliteration in Friday's Sun of Thursday's punch line. (No, we're not going to solve the damn thing ourselves, OK?) Then on Sunday, Mark Trail's profile of the doughty sturgeon was mysteriously missing a caption--a caption The Washington Post supplied, describing the amazing wine-clarifying properties of isinglass. What, is Carrie Nation editing the Sunday color supplement?

You Can Say That Again! Dep't.: The Sun Crossword is in a creamy, chocolate-y rut. Tuesday: 12 down, "Twistable cookie." Wednesday: 16 across, "Sandwich cookie." Friday: 60 across, "Layered snack." Funny Paper spells O-R-E-O . . . or P-A-Y-O-L-A.

One Big Happy: Ruthie gets sent to anger-management class after penning a tell-all book titled The Mean and Wicked People detailing the shortcomings of her classmates. Funny Paper rails at the injustice. Ruthie is, for our money, the most well-adjusted child in the comix. If we were hemmed in by subnormal little prats like Billy and Dennis and Rusty, we'd need anger-management class too.

Luann: Tiffany, suspended from the cheerleading squad thanks to Luann's incriminating secret tapes, says what Funny Paper was saying last week--Luann broke the law. Paging Stephen Montanarelli . . .

The Lockhorns: Leroy insults Loretta's piano skills, her singing, and her cooking. Loretta insults Leroy's looks, then deflates his attempt to chat up a pneumatic blonde at a cocktail party.

Garfield: Garfield variously banters with and squashes the spider. Monday: Banter. Tuesday: Banter. Wednesday: Squash. Thursday: Banter. Friday: Squash. Saturday: Squash.

B.C.: F.P.'s mind reels as the ants in B.C. deliver a chronologically impossible yet meteorologically useful quote from the New Testament.

Mary Worth: Bradley Kenwood plans to pitch a tent.

Mother Goose & Grimm: In the middle of the dog show, Grimm has a dissociative episode, leading to a space-commander fantasy sequence blatantly ripped from Calvin and Hobbes.

Ziggy: Ziggy tracks ink into the house, dreams on Saturday of the Sunday comics, and makes various other creepy moves toward the fourth--make that third--wall.

Apartment 3G: Margo quotes Bob Dylan lyrics at the nefarious Dratman.

Marmaduke: Marmaduke's size leads to trouble and laffs.

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