The prominently cuspided Violet (Milla Jovovich) is a “hemophage” (freshman Latin veterans will figure it out), gifted with supernatural abilities such as super speed, strength, and the ability to change hair and wardrobe color at will. Recruited to courier a secret weapon, she discovers her cargo is instead a little boy (Cameron Bright) whose genetically engineered blood may contain a cure for her disease. Now she’s got to go toe to fetish-boot-clad toe with Daxus (Nick Chinlund), the clean-freak surgeon general who wants his experiment back. Not to mention the hemophage guerrilla underground. And the Blood Chinoise. God, don’t forget the Blood Chinoise. Director/writer Kurt Wimmer (Equilibrium) makes the strange stylistic decision to airbrush selectively all skin to a uniform peach while leaving eyes, nostrils and lips in sharp focus, presumably to simulate the flat color of comic book illustrations but instead making everyone look mushy-faced. Still, all the breaking glass, straining spandex, ricocheting bullets, and dramatically flinging hair looks like panels from some incredibly cool, Guido Crepax-y European comic of which you’ve never heard. Jovovich proves herself the Dame Judi Dench of fanboy schlock, possibly the only actress alive who can dispense junk food such as “I am a titan—a monolith—nobody can stop me!” without a scrap of mortification. Those who believe no movie ever suffered from the inclusion of kung-fu vampires will get exactly what they crave.