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By Ian Grey | Posted 5/17/2006

So there’s this computer-generated luxury liner with a mess of folks on it. There’s Josh Lucas as a gambler with abs of steel and the acting skills of Chuck Norris; Richard Dreyfuss, who, in a bit delicate character shading typical of director Wolfgang Peterson’s who-gives-a-fuck-really dramaturgy, identifies himself by yelling, “I’m an architect!”; and Kurt Russell, whose character proves the filmmakers know about Sept. 11, because he’s not only an ex-firefighter but also the one-time mayor of New York. Suddenly a rogue wave capsizes the ship—somebody actually says, “It was a rogue wave that hit us!”—and almost everyone is instantly smooshed. This is OK when it’s the Black Eyed Peas’ disturbing-looking Stacy Ferguson getting waved; less so when you can hedge your who’s-gonna-die bets on skin color and race. Anyway, after the rogue wave attacks, as per the press notes, Poseidon stops being a disaster flick and instead becomes an Alien-like monster movie with survivors crawling in ventilation shafts—except the monster is, um, water. Not amusingly dreadful enough to function as camp—although it has its moments—Poseidon is so generically forgettable that it’s entirely conceivable that when the DVD hits shelves in three months you may vaguely recall something about 1972’s hilariously awful Poseidon Adventure being remade and rent it by accident.

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