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In the timeless, airless, changeless Hollywoodland school district, it is always the first day of school. There will always be a new kid (Luke Benward) and a slitty-eyed bully (Adam Hicks), and the bully will have a crew of toadies with ex-treeem Little Rascals monikers such as "Twitch" and "Plug" and "Techno" that no child would ever voluntarily bestow upon another. And the bully will uncover the new kid’s Achilles heel--this time, a hair-trigger gag reflex--and issue a decree from the Department of Bullific Affairs: The new kid must eat 10 earthworms by 7 p.m. or--wait for it--He must walk through the school halls with worms in his pants!!!!! What follows is--ah, who gives a fuck what follows? He either eats the worms or doesn’t eat them, why do you care all of a sudden? The only salve on our glazed eyeballs is the presence of Thomas Cavanagh (you know, that guy from TV’s Ed) as the kid’s funny, kind, sympathetic, and wise dad. It’s not a movie critic’s job to judge how accurately a book has been converted to celluloid, but when a fondly remembered minor masterpiece from childhood gets splattered into submediocrity like an earthworm nuked to a pulp in the microwave--yeah, that’s in there, too--it can’t help but sting a little.