Are there simply no original horror ideas left in all of Hollywood? For the five people in the world who haven't heard of Michael Myers, his story runs something like this: At the tender age of 10, he (here Daeg Faerch) kills most of his family, which leads to his institutionalization. Seventeen years--and growing seven feet--later, Myers (now Tyler Mane) escapes and proceeds to spill record amounts of blood on walls, windows, and camera lenses, until chancing upon his now-teenage sister (Scout Taylor-Compton) and her friends. This doesn't slow him down but does give him many not-so-virginal victims to maraud. Writer/director Rob Zombie manages to overtake John Carpenter's original as the longest--and it is long--anti-premarital sex ad in history, in which the you-have-sex-you-die rule definitely applies. To be fair, Zombie's direction is surprisingly deft (if not subtle), with a strong visual style and effective use of sound. But so what? It's an old story that's already been infinitely rehashed, through sequels, knock-offs, and parodies. In fact, 21st-century American horror has been almost nothing but "reinterpretations"--of Asian efforts, early American gorefests, and Stephen King books. Why? Because horror fans have come to expect nothing better?