The vajay-jay with teeth, Oprah might call it. The fanged vag, perhaps, to the ever so slightly less reserved Apatow tribe. However euphemized, Vagina Dentata is scary-- for you havers of penises. Consider it a built-in rape vindicator, a sort of primitive and more lethal Rapex, if you will. Apparently this is what Mitchell Lichtenstein, director and writer of the indie-exploitation-horror-comedy Teeth envisions also. His hero, Dawn (Jess Weixler), is not an infection-proffering sexual predator, but an abstinence-education (cough) activist and high-school student who happens to possess a fatal cunt. Adaptation's a bitch--albeit an inconsistent one. On the one hand, Teeth subverts the mythology, making the female character the hero-conqueror. On the other hand, you do kind of spend the whole movie waiting for someone to rub Dawn the wrong way so she can assume this role. And since I'm not planning on absolving Eli Roth for throwing feminists a proverbial bone with the severed cock that wrapped up Hostel II (yeah, that makes up for cinema's history of female butchery), well, I'd be a big, fat hypocrite to let this one slide. (There are three detached dongs total.) When you aren't grimacing with horror, though, you might actually laugh. How Lichtenstein captures the inanity of a gynecologist visit--"Scoot down. Scoot down. Scoot, scoot, scoot. Scoot down, please."--seems almost a mythical thing itself.