You Don't Mess With the Zohan
It's difficult to review You Don't Mess With the Zohan because any criticism directed at this "movie" will probably sound so absurdly vitriolic that it's immediately dismissed as nothing more than elitist extremism. But the fact of the matter is that Zohan might possibly be one of the worst movies ever made. Adam Sandler, who once made heartwarming comedies that bubbled with adolescent earnestness, stars as Zohan, an Israeli Mossad operative who is strong enough to win a tug of war with an ox, can swim as fast as (and just like) a dolphin, communes with seabirds, loves hummus, disco, and bushy pubic hair, hates Hamas, and secretly dreams of being a promiscuous hairdresser in America. This is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg, since the rest of the movie makes these details sound downright Shakespearian. Once in the U.S., Zohan is pursued by wannabe terrorists headed by Rob Schneider, angry because Zohan stole his goat several years ago. The point of it all? Who knows. There is no real plot, merely a beginning, a middle, and, thankfully, an end.