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Pandorum


Feuer frei: Antje Traue is tough, German.

By Joe MacLeod | Posted 9/23/2009

Itís the Future, and everything sucks. The Earth is dirty and full of hungry people, and so we join a cheap-looking model of a spaceship, already in progress, as it heads for a clean new planet for humans to colonize. Problem is, the crew has to sleep in shifts along the way for years at a time in order to get there, and when they wake up, they donít remember theyíre in a shitty mish-mash monster/sciencer where top-billed Dennis Quaid spends 80 percent of his screen time sitting at a desk hollering and hogging the close-ups while pretending to work some spaceship controls. If you thought Event Horizon was disappointing, with the spaceship that looked like it was made out of cast iron inside, welcome to Pandorum. Someday in the Future somebody will figure out how to edit Dennis Quaid out of this thing and give the movie to Ben Foster as the guy who wakes up and tries to do something about the situation, which involves some semi-cool action/ultraviolent parts, but a lot is shot with that blurry, swooshy shit they use when the fight choreography sucks. Also featuring: cannibals, chick in a push-up bra, crazy/smart black man, and Germans.

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