A Nightmare on Elm Street
A bunch of whiny teenagers (no offense to stars Kyle Gallner and Rooney Mara, who do well with what they have to work with) start doing stuff such as cutting their own throats while they are asleep and dreaming, because in this movie if you dream that you get killed, you die, OK? That's important, because you are going to have a hard time staying awake during this totally suburban exercise in remaking—or "reimagining," if you will—the highly successful kill-the-teenagers franchise created by horrormeistermastermister Wes Craven. Jackie Earle Haley, whose Finest Moment on Film might be as the psychopathic Rorschach in Watchmen, is kinda wasted here as the nightmarish bad man, and he's not helped by the bad recording of his dialogue and the hey-haven't-you-seen-Avatar special effects, and, basically, not enough teenagers are brutally murdered in their sleep to make this entertaining. While we're at it, we'll spoil the one funny Stupid Decision in a Horror Movie Moment: Realize that in order to stay alive, you need to stay awake, and then pour yourself a nice hot bath so they can aim the camera up between your legs.