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In Evelyn, Pierce Brosnan plays an out-of-work Dubliner who, at one astonishing point, says, "You like me cheeky winkle." Well, of course I do, Pierce. Anyway, it's the 1950s, and Desmond Doyle (Brosnan) is the shiftless, alcoholic, yet loving Da of three wee tots. Among them is the insufferable Evelyn, played by Sophie Vavasseur, who looks distressingly like a shrunken Charlotte Rampling and whose grimly determined acting suggests a great future in no-anesthetic dentistry. Evelyn is whisked off by the Catholic Church for safekeeping when Desmond's wife leaves him. When not talking about his winkle, Brosnan sings. Entire songs. Good Lord. Anyway, Desmond hires three lawyers (Aidan Quinn and Stephen Rea, visibly embarrassed, and Alan Bates, whose nips on a whisky flask do not seem to be method acts). They take on the church and Irish legal system to regain the insufferable tots. This is, like, so bad. Even the Irish countryside looks mortified.