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A sequel to 2001’s totally cute The Princess Diaries, The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement sucks it. After watching enough teen flicks to get through a month of slumber parties, we’ve narrowed down what makes a good one: give the audience a movie full of exactly what’s on its mind. PD2 should’ve been a back-to-school shopping bag full of clothes and junk food and rebellion and makeup and cute boys and mean boys and parties and music and dancing. This otherwise simple story of Princess Mia Thermopolis (Anne Hathaway) returning to her Kingdom of Genovia after graduating from college and finding out she must marry within 30 days or renounce her crown is all complicated with royal politics and stupid guards and idiotic maids in waiting and that boring romance between her grandmother Queen Clarisse (Julie Andrews) and head of security Joe (Hector Elizondo). We don’t care. The girls in the audience don’t care. All we want is more of Mia’s best friend, Lilly Moscovitz (Heather Matarazzo), pretty dresses, and hottie Nicholas Devereaux (Chris Pine). We never thought we’d say this, but, Julie Andrews, you big ol’ drag queen, get off the screen.