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Paparazzi


By Joe MacLeod | Posted 9/15/2004

There’s gotta be some kinda evil Hollywood Babylon conspiracy-theory explanation for how this runny piece of shit about drooling, feral, unshaven, sloppy, scumbag celebrity-photographers ruining a virtuous young action hero’s life made it onto the screen. Where it should be is on the E! Entertainment cable-TV channel, since some of their news-show hosts (including that chick who looks like ET crossed with Lisa Kudrow) get sucked off via cameo, along with Mel Gibson (listed as a producer), Chris Rock, Matthew McConaughey, and Vince Vaughn. Tom Sizemore, as the evilest of the ex-felon photogs, has this new acting trick where he SHOUTS every OTHER, word. It’s some kinda SIMPLE actor’s TRICK or something and it’s actually embarrassing. Dennis Farina does an imitation of Peter Falk from Columbo, and don’t even get us started on the star, Cole Hauser, who’s supposed to be like, Mel Gibson in the Lethal Weapon pictures or something, except he just radiates dolt. We tried to empty the entire contents of a large popcorn in our mouth all at once in hope it would cause us to black out and then we’d have an excuse not to have to watch the entire flick, but the annoying movie soundtrack, full of too much dramatic original movie music by Brian Tyler, kept waking us up as we slipped into sweet, sweet unconsciousness.

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