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So there’s these cheerleaders at the big football “hook ’em horns” college in Austin, which is in Texas, and they witness a crime, and Tommy Lee Jones (Men in Black, Space Cowboys) is the sheriff or a Texas Ranger or something and he wears two belts and he’s very Texican in his speech and mannerisms and he’s kinda estranged from his daughter on account of the divorce and he’s a workaholic, and then all ironically and stuff the cheerleaders he has to guard and live with (who are very shiny and nubile with lotsa panty-shots and exposed midriffs and parading around in frilly underpants) learn this lonesome lawman a li’l bit about having a teen daughter, and Sheriff Tommy meets Anne Archer (Patriot Games, Clear and Present Danger), who plays a college professor (and more importantly a chick more his own age, right?), and TLJ has really rugged skin and kinda looks like an ol’ hound dog but he can shoot his gun and there’s explosions and Austin kinda looks like a fun town when bad men aren’t trying to murder vans full of cheerleaders who aren’t really all dumb or anything like that, you shouldn’t judge.

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