Big ups to Big Willie for being chill enough to let Kevin James—who, really, looks like Martin O’Malley in a fat suit—score the biggest laughs in the utterly inoffensive Hitch. Will Smith’s charm effortlessly eases into the titular Alex “Hitch” Hitchens, the consummate player with a heart of gold. He has all the answers to what women want—or at least knows more than average blokes who approach women like they have a beer attached to their boobs. Uptight accountant Albert (James) hires Hitch to help him earn the attention of wealthy beauty Allegra (Amber Valletta), and Hitch coaches the white Urkel in the magic of making an impression. Meanwhile, Hitch woos—and is wooed by—gossip columnist Sara (Cuban-American beauty Eva Mendes), and their scarred hearts are sure to melt right after they make each other miserable. Hitch twists genre’s conventions just enough to stay cute—it’s a mash note to guys being man enough to act goofy for their gal—even if it is a pile of hooey. Because, around Valentine’s Day, what man doesn’t want to realize that all hotties really want is a doughy, average schlub that condescends to pay attention to them? Hello, ladies.