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The Amityville Horror

The Amityville Horror

Director:Andrew Douglas
Cast:Ryan Reynolds, Melissa George, Jesse James
Release Date:2005

By Ian Grey | Posted 4/20/2005

Not content to soil screens worldwide with his epilepsy-seizure-style action films, Earth-reviled producer Michael Bay seems to have taken the success of his horrid Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake as sign to shirk his true calling as a goat pornography auteur and becoming a shiller of retread chills. Here, he’s stumbled onto a new low in audience contempt, remaking a rotten film whose name value alone Bay trusts will lure a new generation of rubes. You know the story. A couple (Ryan Reynolds, Melissa George) move into a cursed Long Island house whose prior residents died horribly. The couple goes crazy amid director Andrew Douglas’ derivative, desultory poltergeist manifestations: Wet dead kids, à la The Ring, spike torture visions courtesy of Hellraiser, the original film’s swarm of flies attacking another priest. One is best advised to take the film’s tag line to heart when nearing a theater showing this inept, nasty pap: “For God’s sake . . . get out!”

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