Finally, the story that needs to be told—World War II, from the pigeon’s point of view. Barely-a-roaster Valiant (voiced by Ewan McGregor, who took a big huff of Wide Eyed Innocent gas before every take) longs to be one of the elite Homing Pigeon Service, the RAF-like passenger pigeons who smuggle military messages over enemy lines. Before long, he’s part of a ragtag pigeon convoy of two dolts, a twit, and a charming slob (Ricky Gervais, one of the few bright spots) drafted to serve their country against takeover from Adolf Hitler. I’m sorry, not Hitler. Against takeover from a falcon with an eye patch (Tim Curry) who lives in a swastika-free fortress with his krauty flunkies and honest-to-god says things such as “Ve heff vays of makink you talk.” Between yawn-inducing escapades, body methane jokes, and bonking into all available flat surfaces, the boys leer Benny Hill-style at every “dove” that walks by. (All the males are pigeons and all the females are doves? How does that work?) At least the whole debacle is only 76 minutes long—that’s about 10 cents a minute at nonmatinée prices. At that rate you could call a friend in another state and be infinitely more entertained. But hey, at least the French Resistance mice are cute.