Friday 15

United, 9 p.m., Red Maple, 930 N. Charles St., (410) 547-0149, www.930redmaple.com. "United we stand, divided we fall, and if your back should ever be against the wall, [we hope you're making out]!" This Baltimore Pride fundraiser ain't like giving at the office: DJ Alex Funk releases his new CD single "Dirty Little Secret" (shhhh) and Double D's Apparel is previewing its new line. Besides dressing up for the fashion flash, wear your best in case you get caught in the live video Sën Baltimore magazine is producing of the event.

Laugh Out Loud, 9 p.m., the Hippo, 1 W. Eager St., (410) 576-0018, www.clubhippo.com, $30. Sorry, Funny Girl Kathy Griffin isn't hitting Baltimore with her true take on celebrity gossip for two weeks, but get your funny bone lubed up tonight with the comedic stylings of Mimi Gonzalez, Jamie Pierce, Chris Doucette, Zach Toczynski, and Melissa Fordham.

Charm City Boys, 9 p.m., Port in the Storm, 4330 E. Lombard St., www.bmorequeer.com, $5. Missing The L Word? Don't be a drag and get your women dressed in men's wear quota for the weekend from Baltimore's favorite Drag Kings, the Charm City Boys.

Saturday 16

Baltimore Pride Fun Run/Walk, 8:30 a.m., Druid Hill Park, main pavilion, www.baltimorefrontrunners.org, a $5 donation. This "Walk With Pride, Run With Joy" early morning walk/run is presented by the Baltimore FrontRunners and Baltimore Pride. Pets are welcome, so bring all your friends. Bring a picnic basket, too--there's a secure spot to leave them--and plan on munching in the park afters. Prizes for all participants.

Baltimore Pride Parade, 4-5:30 p.m., Franklin and Charles streets to Chase Street and Charles, www.baltimorepride.org, free. The flashiest parade of the year kicks off (get it?) with a race in high heels up Charles Street followed by "Queer as Folk[s]" making their way from Centre to Chase streets in rainbow-bright colors and, well, Pride, y'all.

Baltimore Pride Block Party, 6-10 p.m., Eager Street between Cathedral and Charles streets, www.baltimorepride.org, free. "Everywhere around the world/ There'll be dancin' in the street." Join in the spirit of Pride festivals all over the country during this party-hearty block party. Catch nonstop music and entertainment on the main stage at Charles Street, including Inaya Day and Sean Ensign. With bevies, food, craft vendors, and information booths.

Pride Coffee House, 6:30-9:30 p.m., Hearts and Ears, 10 W. Biddle St., Suite 1F, (410) 528-1444, www.heartsandears.org, free. You and your friends are invited to join this Hearts and Ears-sponsored event for coffee, doughnuts, and music. Relax, socialize, and plan your schedule for tomorrow's Pride Festival in an alcohol-free environment.

Global Groove Tour, 8 p.m.-2 a.m., the Hippo, 1 W. Eager St., (410) 576-0018, www.clubhippo.com, $20 before 10 p.m., $25 after. Keep the party going as Centaur presents the Nation's Largest Gay Club Tour featuring DJ David Knapp and Kristine W.

Touch, 10 p.m.-2 a.m., Eden's Lounge, 15 W. Eager St., (410) 244-0405, www.edenslounge.com, $10 before 11 p.m., $15 after. Firefly Entertainment presents this lovely ladies night for Pride with DC's DJ India spinning hip-hop, deep house, and reggae, and it's feeling right.

Sunday 17

Baltimore Pride Festival, 11 a.m.-6 p.m., Druid Hill Park, www.baltimorepride.org, free. In addition to the main stage (with Betty, Rachael Sage, Eric Himan, Odd Girl Out, Mara Levi, and Julie Clark), this year's Pride Festival includes a drag stage with seven hours of performances, plus a karaoke stage--just do it, be a star! Plus, vendors, food, beverages, info booths, and more. Wear sunscreen and drink plenty of your choice of fluids.

Scandal Pride, 8 p.m., Mosaic, 4 Market St., (410) 382-7252, www.mosaic-lounge.com. Take your gay self to Power Plant Live! and represent. S.H.E. Productions is putting on a party hosted by Wendy Fox and Tawni, with special performances by JD Samson and Johanna Fateman of Le Tigre. Rowl.

True Colors Tour, 6-11 p.m., Merriweather Post Pavilion, 10475 Little Patuxent Parkway, Columbia, (410) 547-7328, www.merriweathermusic.com, $41-$126. Did you know that the song "She Bop" is about female masturbation? Rub one out with Cyndi Lauper, Erasure, Debbie Harry, the Dresden Dolls, the Gossip, and Rufus Wainwright. Hosted by Margaret Cho, and featuring special guest Rosie O'Donnell. "So don't be afraid to let them show/ Your true colors." See you next year, gorgeous.