Druid Hill Park Disc Golf, pretty much any time you want, goofball. (443) 271-5351, md-discgolf.com. Follow signs to Maryland Zoo, parking past softball fields on left and the old reptile house on right, first tee: 39.326,-76.654. Twenty-seven holes, Mach5 baskets, good times.
Orioles Promotional Nights, through Oct. 3, Oriole Park at Camden Yards, theorioles.com. Yeah, it's mid-May, and O's fans haven't exactly found their Happy Place yet, but at some games this summer there will be special things for the kids and fireworks after the game, or you can Get In On It and score some free swag like a hat or a T-shirt. You'll be glad you did when Dem O's get good again. Believe.
Friday Evening Social Sailing, 5:15 p.m.-sunset Fridays, Getaway Sailing, 2700 Lighthouse Point, (410) 342-3110, getawaysailing.com. You can climb aboard and help keelhaul the jib or whatever, but these are no-experience-necessary cruises, so you don't have to know a porthole from starboard to enjoy a good time out on the water.
Baltimore County Corvette Club Monthly Meet and Greet, 5-8 p.m., first Saturday of the month (weather permitting), Security Square Mall, 6901 Security Blvd., baltimorecocorvetteclub.com. Bring a lawn chair, socialize with hot rod, car, truck, and Corvette owners, talk about your engine, don't ask why "cars" and "Corvettes" are two different categories, and watch out for bitchin' Camaros.
Mount Washington Bicycle Polo, pickup games 4 p.m. Sundays (weather permitting), Northwest Park, 2101 W. Rogers Ave., (410) 963-7718, mwbpa.blogspot.com. It's polo and you don't need a horse, but you do need a mallet, and a croquet mallet is probably not gonna work.
Charm City Roller Girls Tryouts, May 24, Dundalk Skateland, 1113 North Point Road, charmcityrollergirls.com, 7 p.m., $10. You need: skates, knee pads, elbow pads, wrist guards, helmet, and mouth guard. Bad attitude optional, but it will probably help.
Maryland State Boating Course, May 29-30, Middle River Yacht Club, 200 Nanticoke Road, Essex, (410) 287-8863, Flotilla2204.info, $25. Did you know a State of Maryland certification is required for those born after July 1, 1972, to operate a boat or personal watercraft? Neither did we, Cabin Boy. Safe boating is no accident, OK?
Santa Maria Cup Women's Match Racing Championship, June 2-5, Eastport Yacht Club, Annapolis, Maryland, 38? 58.51' N :: 76? 28.76' W, NOAA Chart 12283, Annapolis Harbor, (410) 267-9549, eastportyc.org. Docking on the EYC bulkhead is not advised as it is quite shallow against the bulkhead and the area is subject to wakes from boat traffic and a considerable surge in certain wind conditions. The EYC clubhouse is painted a distinctive yellow with a green roof. Or you can drive your car there, it's at 317 1st St. in Annapolis. Boat race!
Carlisle Ford Nationals, June 4-6, Carlisle, Pa., carsatcarlisle.com. Demonstrating "the strength of the Blue Oval," and if you don't know what that means, the Chevy Nationals are June 25-27, and the Chryslers are July 9-11.
National Trails Day, June 5, American Hiking Society, (301) 565-6714, americanhiking.org. The AHS thought of it before Baltimore paid for the idea: "Find Your Happy Place" out in the great outdoors on our nation's network of hiking trails and their surrounding natural areas.
Nation-Wide Demolition Derby, June 5, Anne Arundel County Fairgrounds, 1450 Generals Highway, Crownsville, nationwidedemoderby.com. Yes, the real-deal Demolition Derby. God Bless America, and no cranking up the torsion bars on your Chrysler, cheater.
Sisters of Chrome Maryland Trauma Teddy Bear Run and Music Festival, registration for the run is 8:30-9:30 a.m., "kick stands up" at 10 a.m. June 5, from Harley Davidson of Baltimore, 8845 Pulaski Highway, admission for run is one new teddy bear, festival tickets sold separately, (443) 559-6305, sistersofchromemc.com. This charity run (new teddy bears for first responders to give to children in trauma situations) is day two of the three-day-long Teddy Bear Run Music Festival at Camp Conowingo in Cecil County, featuring Confederate Railroad, Amanda Overmyer from American Idol, Lou Gramm of Foreigner, and Baltimore's the Fashionably Late.
White Rose Motorcycle Club Class "A" Professional Hill Climb, 12:30 p.m. June 6, White Rose Motorcycle Club, 5252 Hillclimb Road, Spring Grove, Pa., (717) 229-2621 , whiterosemc.org. C'mon, it's located on Hillclimb Road, which is a tip that this is a Serious Event, plus be advised; no dogs, no glass bottles, no hard liquor, no kegs, beer limit is one six-pack, cooler size limit is 16 inches by 16 inches "at biggest point," no fireworks, and no nudity or sexual conduct of any kind "or we will prosecute to the fullest extent of the law," so it looks like you really gotta enjoy Class "A" Professional Hill Climbing to want to go to this thing. Vroom.
Lance Holden Memorial Golf Classic, June 7, the Elkridge Club, 6100 N. Charles St., (410) 561-7304, uslacrosse.org. The late Lance Holden was one of the founders of Lax World in Towson, and proceeds of this event fund one grant allowing a needy Baltimore-area youth to attend lacrosse camp, and another providing equipment funding for a new youth lacrosse program outside of the Mid-Atlantic region.
8-Mile Hike Through Druid Hill and Wyman Parks, June 9, (410) 544-3952, mcomd.org, $2. The Mountain Club of Maryland says "come explore and be surprised at the wilderness in our own Metropolis."
All televised World Cup matches, June 11- July 11, Slainte Irish Pub and Restaurant, 1700 Thames St. (410) 563-6600, slaintepub.com. We think the United States got a pretty good group draw in Group C with Algeria, England, and Slovenia, but they're 2-7 against England for the opener, so anyway, you're in Baltimore at an Irish pub watching football being played in Africa, and the whole world is watching with you. Crazy.
Ocean City Surfrider 9th Annual Longboard Team Challenge, June 11-13, 37th St. (Castle in the Sand), Ocean City, surfrider.org/oceancitymd. Longboards are old-school surfing, original Duke Kahanamoku shit, and they can be 12 feet long, the kind of board you "hang 10" off and use for smooth gliding, as opposed to the modern short-board carving and tricks. The surf usually isn't exactly tremendous in OC this time of year, but you're still going to have a chance to appreciate the form and hang out with a bunch of surfers later at Fager's Island and watch movies of surfing and maybe even a nice sunset.
Tour Dem Parks, Hon!, 7 a.m. June 13, Carroll Park, 1500 Washington Blvd., tourdemparks.org, $35. Choose between four routes, 12-64-miles long, beginning and ending in Carroll Park. All riders should be off the street by noon, so you might want to think real hard about that 64-mile "metric century" if you ain't oiled your chain in a while, hon.
Roller Derby, 6 p.m., June 19, July 24, and Aug. 21, Du Burns Arena, 1301 Ellwood Ave., charmcityrollergirls.com, admission $10-$20. There's been a lot of talk about how the Roller Derby is "fixed," so you should probably mention that to every Roller Girl you see at the match and see what happens.
Eastern Wrestling Alliance's Fight the Power, June 25, Tall Cedars Hall, 2501 Putty Hill Ave., ewamaryland.com, $12-$15. EWA promises "hard hitting, high flying and in your face" action, yikes, so enjoy yourself, and of course, protect yourself at all times, especially at the snack bar.
AANR Skinny Dip, "Eastern Nudist Time" 3 p.m. July 10, Ramblewood, Darlington, Maryland, ramblewood.com, $30. As part of a clothing-optional four-day retreat at Ramblewood ("capable of providing an environment for unencumbered self-expression") the American Association for Nude Recreation offers you, the casual Nudist or Nude-curious, if you will, a chance to help set a new Guinness North American record for people swimming butt-nekkid. Don't forget to put your clothes back on for the ride home, nudie.
Xterra EX2 Off-Road Triathalon and Duathalon, July 11, Rocky Gap State Park, Flintstone, Maryland, tricolumbia.org. Knock yourself out triathletes, all we know is the Rocky Gap Lodge is right here and bedandbreakfast.com says there are some nice B&Bs in the area.
Blue Chip Basketball Battle of Baltimore, July 22-23, Loyola College, Reitz Arena, 4501 N. Charles St. and Towson University, 8000 York Road, Towson, bluechipbasketball.com. Sixth annual NCAA certified event for female high school-aged players.
Tour De Frederick, Aug. 13-15, starts at Hilton Garden Inn, 7226 Corporate Court, Frederick, (301) 228-3400, tourdefrederick.com, $185-$225 per rider. Frederick County has scenic country roads, historic points of interest, farms, orchards, a brewery, minor league baseball, arts activity, Sugarloaf Mountain to climb, and you're gonna get a crack at all of that when you're not peddling your ass off.
Baltimore Ravens Preseason Football, 8 p.m. Aug. 12, M&T Bank Stadium, baltimoreravens.com, $55-$183 through NFL Ticket Exchange. Hey, just saying, Baseball Season's almost over.
Queen Anne's County Fair Joust, 5 p.m. Aug. 13, 100 Dulan Clark Road, Centerville, Maryland, (410) 820-7751, marylandjousting.com. Jousting is the Official Sport of the State of Maryland, OK? Plus you can go to the County Fair and joust a corn dog into your jousthole.
Charm City Mods vs. Rockers Rally, Aug. 28, Brewers Landing, 801 Woodrow Ave., Essex, (443) 231-5037, brewerslanding.net. Anglophile scooter and motorcycle enthusiasts will putt out to Essex for a judged bike show, a '50s/'60s pinup contest, an appearance by the Charm City Roller Girls, and music from the Motown and soul cover band the Motorettes. Are you a mod or a rocker?
812 Park Ave.
Baltimore, MD 21201